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Post by Anime Monster on Apr 4, 2007 13:48:12 GMT -5
Beautiful, I'm glad that more people than just me can write about the beautiful destruction of the weather. I like the first stanza the most.
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Post by Lady Mage on Apr 9, 2007 18:08:52 GMT -5
Very lovely job here!
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Andrea
Junior Member
I really sort of love you
Posts: 97
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Post by Andrea on Apr 11, 2007 18:53:09 GMT -5
I adore this. It's marvelous! I think it fitst the criteria for this contest incredibly well and it's beautifully written.
If I was going to critique this my only thing would be the use of the word high in the line 'Way high up in the skies'. I think high is a very generic, non-image producing word and that you could find a better synonym. But still, I adore this poem.
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Post by Wyvernwings on Apr 12, 2007 12:19:43 GMT -5
Thanks, ya I don't like that line either but I couldn't think of anything better to put in there. Do you have a suggestion for it? Cause I couldn't get anything to fit the rythem and the scene.
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Andrea
Junior Member
I really sort of love you
Posts: 97
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Post by Andrea on Apr 12, 2007 19:07:16 GMT -5
Alrighty, after further inverstigation I got two options for ya,
Waters swelling silently. When met with heat will rise, They’ll mix and flow and finally meet, Climaxing in the skies.
Or
Waters swelling silently. When met with heat will rise, They’ll mix and flow and finally meet tow'ring in the skies.
so yeah, that's all I got.
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Post by Wyvernwings on Apr 12, 2007 21:43:45 GMT -5
Ok, well I actually really like the first one but the only problem is the axing. For the most part when read aloud the poem has a soft velvet to it and ax has a harsh sound to it.
I'm an auditory person so everything I write I try to give it auditory poetry as well. As for Tow'ring I like that, I'll give it some thought. ;D
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Post by Lady Mage on Apr 15, 2007 17:11:32 GMT -5
Either way would be fine. Although I didn't really have a problem with it the way it was. ;D
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