Chapter Eight: Star Track and Lycra
Mira had ended up on a park bench. Glitter still clung to her, her hair puffy and incorrigible, her eyes swollen and teary.
When did life get like this? When did I get like this? Irrational and weepy. I'm a wreck. The world is a wreck and going to hell in a hand basket. And suddenly, I'm meant to make sure that Draco succeeds in killing Dumbledore; the one man who might actually know how to get us out of this mess… She was miserable. She didn't know why, and she didn't know how to fix it. So she cried, on a park bench, by herself. In an area of London she probably shouldn't be in.
What have I done to myself? I'm a wreck. I probably need that stuff muggles take, prozac? I think that’s what it is… maybe I should get some. Or maybe I should just go home. I'm not cut out for this. I'm not cut out to save the world. I thought I could, but I obviously can't. I can't fight off pygmy puffs without crying! How on earth am I supposed to take on death eaters? "What in Merlin’s name happened to you? Did you get in a fight with a drag queen or what?" She looked up into familiar steel eyes before looking back at herself. Then she laughed.
"Actually, an army of pygmy puffs." She smiled and wiped the last of her tears away.
"Excuse me?" He frowned, "what is a pygmy puff? And where did you find an army of them?" She noticed his back was slouched and the pale skin under his eyes tinted blue. The little baby fat he'd had around his mouth was gone and the skin clung to his bones. His graceful hands were burrowed deep within the pockets of his robe, and without looking she knew there was a new bruise on his left forearm.
This is why I'm here, so that people don't look like this anymore. So that I don't have to worry about this anymore. To make sure it's taken care of. "We sell them, they're little… well, they're hard to explain. They're like makeup puffs only they're alive and they produce glitter. They're just fun. Until they go evil… in which case they're bloody terrifying." He looked like he wasn't believing a word she was saying. "Oh, come along, I'll show you one." She got up from her park bench and grabbed his hand, pulling him along the way she'd come.
"Mira, this isn't a good idea, Fred and George-"
"Fred is recovering upstairs from his pygmy attack and George is having s*x." She said as they wound there way back along twisting alleys.
"Why do you know he's having s*x?" Draco asked in bewilderment.
"Because he was having s*x until the pygmy puff attack got in the middle of it, so now he'll be going back to Lee's place to have uninterrupted s*x." She said with a smirk.
"George and Lee Jordan?" Draco practically shrieked, not actually shrieked because Malfoy's don't actually shriek so Draco compromised by practically shrieking.
"Apparently," Mira said, looking back at his somewhat disgusted face.
Draco thought the pygmy puffs were weird. He thought the evil pygmy puffs were funny. He liked the Peruvian darkness powder so Mira let him have a few boxes. She then proceeded to cook for him in the back room because he looked like he hadn't eaten in days. He left around midnight and Mira sunk into her bed with a sigh. No more tears…
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"MIRA!" Fred's terrified scream awoke her. She rolled over in her bed and opened one eye to glare at him with.
"Yes?" He was still covered in glitter.
If he woke me up to help him get the glitter on I will decapitate him.
"The pygmy puffs…" He stopped talking and started chewing his bottom lip.
"What about the pygmy puffs Fred?"
Honestly, if he wants me to help him with the freaking glitter I will- "There are more!" He shrieked like a little girl.
"What do you mean there are more?"
"They multiplied!"
"Uh huh," Mira rolled back over and closed her eye.
"Mira!" Fred protested.
"What Fred?"
"Aren't you going to do anything?" He asked hopefully.
"Nope."
When she woke up around noon and waltzed down to the shop she found that the pygmy puffs had indeed multiplied. Which meant that the frenzy of the day had not been a galactic attack of the pygmy puffs but rather the mating of the pygmy puffs. Mira had yet to decide which she preferred.
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"Sh*t." Mira whispered as she looked over the morning's paper.
"What?" George asked, looking up from his rugby ball sized bowl of cereal. Mira looked up and met his eyes, pain and horror showing through plainly through.
"The Death Eaters sacked Somerset, the muggles think it was a hurricane, do hurricanes even happen in this part of the world?" She murmured as George took the paper from her gently. His eyes widened as he looked at the pictures that covered the front page of the
Daily Prophet.
"Merlin…" He leant back in his chair and ran his hands through eternally messy red hair. "We're not kids anymore are we?" he said sadly. Man, the worlds a mess… Mira thought sadly, tears coming to the front of her eyes. She got up and headed to the cupboard, cleaning her bowl as she went. "Mira," George said sternly,
Merlin he reminds me of my dad when he does that. She turned to look at him. "It will be okay. Alright? It will. If you give up now we've already lost." She nodded and ambled to her room, dressing to face the day.
It was the last week in July and Fred and George burst into the back room wearing demented black latex uniforms. "What in the world are you two playing at?" Mira asked, stifling a laugh.
"Get ready, we have to go." George said.
"Get ready for what?" She asked as Fred pulled her out of her chair.
"We've got an assignment," Fred said tersely, his mouth set in a grim line.
"Is that why you're wearing superhero suits?" She asked as they pushed her up the stairs.
"You've got one too ya know, Dumbledore sent them," George said with a smirk as he looked as his rear in the glass doors of the front of the store.
"
WHAT?" She protested. "The old man said
nothing about
spandex!" She shrieked.
"You can inform him of that after we get in and get out, now
go!" Fred said with a final shove. Mira glared at him and slammed her door. Sure enough, latex and spandex lay on her bed. Mira growled and pulled off her comfortable sweatpants and baggy harvard shirt and started wrestling with the spandex.
"I feel like a condom…" She muttered as she slid her wand into the holster on her thigh. "And Laura Croft…" She braided her hair and spun the long tail into a bun. She glared at her reflection in the mirror and strode out of the room.
George whistled at her and held the door open. Mira grimaced at her.
I feel like I'm on that muggle space show… Star track??? She wondered as they walked down the edge of Diagon Alley. The retarded suit didn't make a noise, didn't rustle when her thighs rubbed,
though everyone can see my blasted thighs rub! Even though the knee-high boots had a heel it didn't click on the cobblestones.
At least this dumb thing is good for something other than humiliation. Fred and George started to run, Mira blanched and chased after them. They didn't say anything about running. Her abs started to burn and she had a cramp in her side. She grimaced as her thighs started to burn too.
Bloody blasting freaking hill. She thought at it angrily. Her boot slipped in a streak of mud and her legs went in opposite directions.
FRICK! She had landed in the splits. She winced and got up again.
This is familiar. She's often run up hills in the middle of the night and landed in mud.
I was in shape then. I haven't run all summer have I? Merlin, how did I get like this? She grunted as she reached the crest of the hill. Fred and George were waiting for her, blending into the side of a building.
"What happened to you?" Fred hissed quietly. She realized she was covered in muck.
"Slipped and fell," She muttered, looking down the opposite side of the alley. "What are we doing anyways? Other than playing Star Track?" Fred looked at her quizzically.
"We're observing," He said quietly.
"An Alley?" She asked incredulously.
"No, we're not there yet, come on." He said, and he took off again, George grinned restlessly and winked before streaking after his brother.
"Bloody Weasley brothers…" She took off after them, pretending she wasn't out of shape and carrying twenty extra pounds.
They ran for what Mira decided was ten miles. Her rational side said it was only one and a half, but for the story's sake we'll say ten. The boys slowed and dropped to a crouch. Twenty paces later Mira did the same.
"You're slow," George observed. Mira stuck her tongue out and panted. Fred looked at her and cast a silencing charm. Mira felt like kicking him in the face but refrained, mostly cause she didn't have the energy. "We're going in. We need to get this ring out," George said, pulling a piece of paper out. Mira studied the diagram and nodded. Geroge incinerated the paper.
"We've only brung you because Dumbledore said you'd be useful. Don't do anything stupid." Fred said sternly. Mira rolled her eyes.
"Don't
you do anything stupid." She said before turning to look at the door. Her wand ready and subtle by her side.