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Post by Meluivan Indil on Jun 14, 2008 22:30:54 GMT -5
The idea of it ending is actually making me sad, but I have a feeling that I know how it's gonna end and it scares me that I might be right.
But I can't not read it so as soon as you get it up I'll be reading it.
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paintedmusic
Full Member
I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't I would die. -- Isaac Asimov
Posts: 124
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Post by paintedmusic on Jun 14, 2008 23:21:40 GMT -5
konban wa If this is what you're thinking: no, he doesn't commit suicide. I don't know if that's what you were going to say, but many people who've read it have said, "I hope he doesn't commit suicide in the end." After you read the last installment, tell me if you were thinking the same thing, okay? And if not, tell me what you were thinking. Anyway, here it goes. Last but most certainly not least:
April 13, 2017: Thursday Dear Brian, The night before you left to Iraq, you told me to keep out of Mom’s way, not to make trouble for her since she’d have a hard enough time anyway. Your exact words were, “Don’t give Mom too much grief—’kay, Benny-Boy?” At the time I didn’t know what that meant. Now that I do, I can’t help but think maybe you should have taken your own advice. After all, you’re the reason Mom’s still grieving. “I hate you” is the last thing I said before you left us and never came back. And sometimes… I start to wonder if I actually meant it. I’m sorry but I’m tired of waiting for you to answer back, for you to come back. Some guardian angel you turned out to be—our family’s screwed up, and it’s all thanks to you. Why’d you have to go and get yourself shot up when you knew we needed you here? Home? I can’t keep waiting for a miracle that’s never going to come. We used to be five. When I was younger, that realization obsessed me. We used to be five: you, me, Simon, Mom, and our father. First he left, then you. After that, Simon followed you to the grave, not surprising since he and I used to want to copy you in practically every aspect of life. Throughout all this, Mom withdrew from the pathetic mess that was the remains of our family. But still—on some level—there were two of us. Because even though you were dead, I still had you. In these letters and in my mind, you were kept alive as my guardian angel. Long ago, I should have buried you just as I buried Simon at his funeral; but I didn’t. Couldn’t. Instead, fighting against reality for all I was worth, I kept you alive for as long as I could. I guess “as long as I could” wasn’t very long at all, though, because our five is finally back down to one again, isn’t it? It looks like I’m too old for Make-Believe after all. Goodbye, Ben
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Post by Meluivan Indil on Jun 15, 2008 2:38:04 GMT -5
Well, I didn't think he'd commit suicide but I thought he'd die in some way shape or form because of a comment you made early on to something Raven had said.
Now what do I think. Honestly I have to admit I don't feel like it's over. Even though Ben says it is, I just don't feel right about that. I know he's growing out of his need for these letters but it just doesn't seem right to me.
I'm not disparaging your writing, I promise. I understand that this is the way it has to be, but you know me. I'm always looking for that ray of hope, that silver lining, which is very unrealistic of myself when it comes to the real world.
Anyhow the entire thing was brilliantly written and I'm sure it will get awesome marks. Good luck on that hon.
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paintedmusic
Full Member
I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't I would die. -- Isaac Asimov
Posts: 124
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Post by paintedmusic on Jun 15, 2008 8:09:11 GMT -5
konnichi wa
Technically, if you think about it, Ben can't really die unless it's suicide. Since he's writing letters, you wouldn't know. The only way you'd know is if Ben himself wrote in the letter, "I'm tired of waiting for you to come back. I guess Simon had the right of it." And then he killed himself.
Now that I think about it, though, it might've been interesting to have him -- say -- hit by a bus or something -- and then have the last letter from his mom. That would've been cool. Oh well, I'm glad he didn't die in the end.
I'm sorry it's over; I had lots of fun writing it.
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Post by Meluivan Indil on Jun 15, 2008 10:27:39 GMT -5
Yeah, I could see him dieing and her finding the letters to Brian. Then maybe she could write a letter to Benny. That would have been sweet, but hindsight is 20/20.
I really did enjoy reading it.
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paintedmusic
Full Member
I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't I would die. -- Isaac Asimov
Posts: 124
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Post by paintedmusic on Jun 15, 2008 10:31:06 GMT -5
I'm glad. Thank you for the suggestions, critiques, etc. They were immensely helpful!
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Post by Ravendust on Jun 15, 2008 14:23:17 GMT -5
It was very good. I do have one question though. Ben said 'because our five is finally back down to one again, isn’t it?' Is that hinting at something more than what is written? I'm just curious^^
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