Post by Dreamer on Mar 14, 2007 8:53:03 GMT -5
Ok, here it is. I wrote it in about an hour and a half so I hope it's still good... (I am REALLY sorry about the length... I just couldn't seem to tear myself away from it! 
Sorry, I hope y'all will still give it a chance! 
)
T for mild language.
Song title: Invincible. Performed by: Jesse McCartney. Written by: Jesse McCartney, Kara DioGuardi and Dory Lobel.
Life’s Just Not Invincible
I remember it like it was yesterday... September 1st... It was right before my senior year began...
Josh, Mandy, Chris and I were on our way to Katrina Smith’s house for the big “end of the summer’ party that she was throwing for all the Juniors before our Senior year began next Monday.
Chris was my boyfriend and Mandy was my best friend. We were all three going to car pull to Kat’s in Chris’s car until we got in it and the battery was dead.
Chris turned to me and frowned, “How long were you sitting in here listening to my radio earlier?”
I shrunk down and gave a “puppy dog” face, “Maybe... yeah, kinda... like um... 4 hours?”
Chris rolled his eyes at my look and got out of the car just as Josh, who was also car pulling with us, pulled into the driveway. We decided to go in his car instead.
When we arrived at the Smith home, Katrina greeted us at the door. “Guys! My parents totally skipped out on us to go to some stupid business meeting in Pennsylvania and won’t be back till Monday morning!” she squealed.
I wondered if Kat realized those “stupid business meetings” were what kept her dressed in New York’s hottest styles...
Katrina Smith had hosted a party for the entire grade, that she was in, to say goodbye to the summer since the 6th grade. Needless to say, her family was... well, let’s just say they ate good. The parties were always full of excitement... alive! And people you knew, people you only got to talk to at lunch and even the “kid in the corner” would be there.
And there was nothing different about this year’s... except the absence of Kat’s parents... And, God, what a difference it was! Every year before Mr. and Mrs. Smith would be there to “keep things in order,” but this year...
The instant I walked in the front door, the instant Kat opened it actually, I was struck with the pungent odor of alcohol.
“Um... Kat, I didn’t know there’d be drinking this year...”
“Oh, well, there wasn’t gonna be... but with my parents gone...” Kat’s voice was overpowered and trailed off as someone turned up the music. Kelly Clarkson’s Walk Away was playing and Katrina ran off to change it as she hated the song.
I turned around, facing my red headed, blue eyed, best friend, and said lowly, “I don’t know about this, you guys...” Mandy nodded in agreement and Chris took my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. But Josh, on the other hand, said, a little too loudly for my liking, “Pshh! What can the harm in a few drinks be? Don’t be such wimps, you guys!” With that he headed off into the midst of the party goers. Mandy, Chris and I exchanged glances then headed into the party as well.
Against my own better judgment I had a drink... but only one. I stopped there, unlike Mandy who wound up having three at the taunting of some cheerleader who had four... Chris didn’t have any and then we all danced till we were too dizzy to stand up. Resting a few minutes we decided it was time to head home.
We searched out Josh and found him sitting on the floor with some other guy, who was almost passed out, guzzling a another beer. And by another I mean that he had already drank, probably, 5. Chris grabbed it away from him and helped him to his feet.
“What are you doing, man? I was drinking that!” Josh yelled as we all headed for the front door, pushing Josh along with us.
“You’ve had enough.” Chris said with tight lips.
“Whatever...” Josh mumbled as we climbed into his car out on the side of the road. It was nearly two houses down from Katrina’s as we’d been some of the last to arrive...
“Give me the key, Josh. Cause there is no way I’m letting you drive me home! Or my girlfriend. Or Mandy.” Chris said firmly.
Josh didn’t budge.
“Give me the keys, Joshua Morgan.” Chris commanded.
Josh, after further protest, finally handed them over and we drove off. Reaching Mandy’s house, we dropped her off to the care of her older sister by two years, then drove to Chris’s house, where my car was.
I’d brought Mandy earlier and was supposed to drop her off on my way home but Chris just did it cause he said, even though I’d only had one drink, he wasn’t gonna let me get behind the wheel till the next morning. I didn’t care really... it meant I’d get to spend a night with Chris anyway...
“Josh, are you absolutely sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” Chris stood at the window of his best friend’s Corvette, pleading with Josh to let him drive him home. Josh, however, sternly refused and Chris asked for the 11th, and final, time.
After receiving the same answer of “no” Chris grumbled and kicked the dirt saying, “Alright... fine... but... just be careful, would ya?” Chris’s blue green eyes met Josh’s deep brown ones as he spoke.
“Yeah, yeah, man! Don’t be my big brother, alright? I’ll catch ya tomorrow!” With that Josh backed down the driveway and drove off. Chris walked over to me and put his arms around my waist, sighing, he said, “I shouldn’t have let him go just now... I should have at least made him stay here!”
“Hey,” I said sweetly, turning to look into his eyes, “he’ll be fine and you tried. You know how stubborn Josh can be...”
Chris nodded his head but through his eyes I could see that his heart didn’t believe that. He didn’t believe he would be fine...
“Come here,” I whispered pulling him close to me as our lips met.
After the kiss we walked, slowly, up the driveway to the front door. As Chris unlocked it I turned and looked back at the road Josh had just driven off on... He’d be fine... wouldn’t he?
The clouds hung low in the sky, with an orangeish glow to them from the lights of New York City that surrounded us. It was almost like an ominous sign that something tragic was going to happen that night...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
That night, around 4:00am, I woke up in Chris’s bed in Mandy’s dark pink, pajama pants, that I’d borrowed from her when we dropped her off, and Chris’s green T shirt that I’d put on after spilling milk on mine a few hours before I fell asleep in Chris’s arms on his living room couch watching, Are We There Yet? I’m not real sure what happened after that... I was asleep, after all! But apparently Chris had put me in his bed and I hadn’t woken up once till just now. I suddenly realized what had woken me up. It was Chris. He was sitting at the foot of the bed in a small huddle... His head down, nearly in his lap and his hands folded below it, softly crying. At first I didn’t realize that’s what he was doing but the short raspy breaths and the shaking of his body confirmed it. I sat up and hugged him close to me, whispering into his ear, “What is it, Baby?”
“He... I... I let him go, Stace... I shouldn’t have let him go...” Chris lifted his head and the pain in his eyes made me gasp. I knew what it was then.... as my sweet boyfriend, who was always strong and standing by me in my time of need was suddenly weak and crying onto my shoulder. I hugged him and rubbed a hand over his back. How could this happen?
September 1st, 2003,
It took the life right out of me,
Hung up the phone,
Raced out the door,
Broken.
Suddenly jerking his head up he looked in my eyes, “Maybe it wasn’t h...” he couldn’t finish the hopeful thought for he knew it wasn’t true...
Tried to believe that it wasn't true,
But in my heart I always knew,
After I calmed down his sobs he explained to me that Josh’s sister had called about 30 minutes ago to ask Chris to come down to the hospital and see Josh. He had crashed into a ditch on East River St. and had been taken straight to the hospital, when he was found by a police officer patrolling the area, but probably wasn’t going to make it. Cindy, Josh’s sister, had said that Josh would want to see him in his final hours but right as they were hanging up so Chris could leave... Josh died.
That being the life of the party would catch up to you,
Your family was waiting and crying for three d*mn hours...
God, if only Josh had listened... he wouldn’t be gone now... I wouldn’t be here crying with my boyfriend for the loss of his best friend... He didn’t deserve this... I didn’t deserve this... Josh’s family didn’t either... And, mostly, Josh didn’t deserve this.
Every time I looked into Chris’s eyes that night and Sunday morning I could only see one thing replaying over and over...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
Everything’s good on the straight a way,
But you took that turn doing eighty-five in a thirty-five...
Why, babe?
The wake was that Tuesday, the funeral the day after that... Mandy and I came, Chris, of course, was there. Josh’s parents and sister and a slew of people I’d never even heard of, much less, met! People from school, Katrina... Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Nearly the whole neighborhood and surrounding areas was there.
The crying, grief and sadness was nearly unbearable but what was worse was Chris. I had never seen him in that much pain... Not even when his grandfather, whom he was close to, died. Josh was like his brother... I never realized just how much he meant to him.
I caught him out on his back porch the next day... he was singing so I hid and just listened. The words brought tears to my eyes and the emotion in his voice made them fall.
Every time I'm home I pass that road,
Driving alone and the street feels cold,
Seeing your face yeah it's haunting me...
My mind goes crazy tryin' to figure out,
Just where you would be four years from now,
And what you were thinking when the lights came down...
The doctors were trying to save you for three d*mn hours...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
Everything’s cool on the straight a way,
But you took that turn doing eighty-five in a thirty-five...
Why, babe?
Not being able to control myself and overcome with emotions I emerged from the side of the house, walked up to him and took his hands in mine as, together, we sang... sang to Josh.
Who ever said that life was fair...
When you live without a care...
When you're invincible...
When you're invincible...
When you're invincible,
Who thinks about leaving when you're livin'?
The tears stained both our faces by now and our voices quavered with emotion but still we sang on... it was to him... it was the last thing we could do... It was how we felt... both of us.
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way..
Everything’s cool on the straight a way,
But you took that turn doing eighty-five in a thirty-five...
And... that was it. We sat together in silence as the clouds silently rolled by in the clear blue sky of the afternoon. We didn’t need to speak... our hearts communicated on their own now...
Josh had believed for so long that he was unbreakable... That he could do the impossible. That nothing could ever take him down! That he could do anything and everything... And countless times he’d proven that... but... in the end... In the end you find out that life’s just not invincible...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
---------
There it is. (Whoa... really didn't realize it was that long... I hope that's ok.)
Please tell me what you think and be totally honest!! Remember, honesty about writing doesn't hurt the writer unless they let it! I need constructive criticism! Thank you!
Sorry, I hope y'all will still give it a chance! 
)T for mild language.
Song title: Invincible. Performed by: Jesse McCartney. Written by: Jesse McCartney, Kara DioGuardi and Dory Lobel.
Life’s Just Not Invincible
I remember it like it was yesterday... September 1st... It was right before my senior year began...
Josh, Mandy, Chris and I were on our way to Katrina Smith’s house for the big “end of the summer’ party that she was throwing for all the Juniors before our Senior year began next Monday.
Chris was my boyfriend and Mandy was my best friend. We were all three going to car pull to Kat’s in Chris’s car until we got in it and the battery was dead.
Chris turned to me and frowned, “How long were you sitting in here listening to my radio earlier?”
I shrunk down and gave a “puppy dog” face, “Maybe... yeah, kinda... like um... 4 hours?”
Chris rolled his eyes at my look and got out of the car just as Josh, who was also car pulling with us, pulled into the driveway. We decided to go in his car instead.
When we arrived at the Smith home, Katrina greeted us at the door. “Guys! My parents totally skipped out on us to go to some stupid business meeting in Pennsylvania and won’t be back till Monday morning!” she squealed.
I wondered if Kat realized those “stupid business meetings” were what kept her dressed in New York’s hottest styles...
Katrina Smith had hosted a party for the entire grade, that she was in, to say goodbye to the summer since the 6th grade. Needless to say, her family was... well, let’s just say they ate good. The parties were always full of excitement... alive! And people you knew, people you only got to talk to at lunch and even the “kid in the corner” would be there.
And there was nothing different about this year’s... except the absence of Kat’s parents... And, God, what a difference it was! Every year before Mr. and Mrs. Smith would be there to “keep things in order,” but this year...
The instant I walked in the front door, the instant Kat opened it actually, I was struck with the pungent odor of alcohol.
“Um... Kat, I didn’t know there’d be drinking this year...”
“Oh, well, there wasn’t gonna be... but with my parents gone...” Kat’s voice was overpowered and trailed off as someone turned up the music. Kelly Clarkson’s Walk Away was playing and Katrina ran off to change it as she hated the song.
I turned around, facing my red headed, blue eyed, best friend, and said lowly, “I don’t know about this, you guys...” Mandy nodded in agreement and Chris took my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. But Josh, on the other hand, said, a little too loudly for my liking, “Pshh! What can the harm in a few drinks be? Don’t be such wimps, you guys!” With that he headed off into the midst of the party goers. Mandy, Chris and I exchanged glances then headed into the party as well.
Against my own better judgment I had a drink... but only one. I stopped there, unlike Mandy who wound up having three at the taunting of some cheerleader who had four... Chris didn’t have any and then we all danced till we were too dizzy to stand up. Resting a few minutes we decided it was time to head home.
We searched out Josh and found him sitting on the floor with some other guy, who was almost passed out, guzzling a another beer. And by another I mean that he had already drank, probably, 5. Chris grabbed it away from him and helped him to his feet.
“What are you doing, man? I was drinking that!” Josh yelled as we all headed for the front door, pushing Josh along with us.
“You’ve had enough.” Chris said with tight lips.
“Whatever...” Josh mumbled as we climbed into his car out on the side of the road. It was nearly two houses down from Katrina’s as we’d been some of the last to arrive...
“Give me the key, Josh. Cause there is no way I’m letting you drive me home! Or my girlfriend. Or Mandy.” Chris said firmly.
Josh didn’t budge.
“Give me the keys, Joshua Morgan.” Chris commanded.
Josh, after further protest, finally handed them over and we drove off. Reaching Mandy’s house, we dropped her off to the care of her older sister by two years, then drove to Chris’s house, where my car was.
I’d brought Mandy earlier and was supposed to drop her off on my way home but Chris just did it cause he said, even though I’d only had one drink, he wasn’t gonna let me get behind the wheel till the next morning. I didn’t care really... it meant I’d get to spend a night with Chris anyway...
“Josh, are you absolutely sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” Chris stood at the window of his best friend’s Corvette, pleading with Josh to let him drive him home. Josh, however, sternly refused and Chris asked for the 11th, and final, time.
After receiving the same answer of “no” Chris grumbled and kicked the dirt saying, “Alright... fine... but... just be careful, would ya?” Chris’s blue green eyes met Josh’s deep brown ones as he spoke.
“Yeah, yeah, man! Don’t be my big brother, alright? I’ll catch ya tomorrow!” With that Josh backed down the driveway and drove off. Chris walked over to me and put his arms around my waist, sighing, he said, “I shouldn’t have let him go just now... I should have at least made him stay here!”
“Hey,” I said sweetly, turning to look into his eyes, “he’ll be fine and you tried. You know how stubborn Josh can be...”
Chris nodded his head but through his eyes I could see that his heart didn’t believe that. He didn’t believe he would be fine...
“Come here,” I whispered pulling him close to me as our lips met.
After the kiss we walked, slowly, up the driveway to the front door. As Chris unlocked it I turned and looked back at the road Josh had just driven off on... He’d be fine... wouldn’t he?
The clouds hung low in the sky, with an orangeish glow to them from the lights of New York City that surrounded us. It was almost like an ominous sign that something tragic was going to happen that night...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
That night, around 4:00am, I woke up in Chris’s bed in Mandy’s dark pink, pajama pants, that I’d borrowed from her when we dropped her off, and Chris’s green T shirt that I’d put on after spilling milk on mine a few hours before I fell asleep in Chris’s arms on his living room couch watching, Are We There Yet? I’m not real sure what happened after that... I was asleep, after all! But apparently Chris had put me in his bed and I hadn’t woken up once till just now. I suddenly realized what had woken me up. It was Chris. He was sitting at the foot of the bed in a small huddle... His head down, nearly in his lap and his hands folded below it, softly crying. At first I didn’t realize that’s what he was doing but the short raspy breaths and the shaking of his body confirmed it. I sat up and hugged him close to me, whispering into his ear, “What is it, Baby?”
“He... I... I let him go, Stace... I shouldn’t have let him go...” Chris lifted his head and the pain in his eyes made me gasp. I knew what it was then.... as my sweet boyfriend, who was always strong and standing by me in my time of need was suddenly weak and crying onto my shoulder. I hugged him and rubbed a hand over his back. How could this happen?
September 1st, 2003,
It took the life right out of me,
Hung up the phone,
Raced out the door,
Broken.
Suddenly jerking his head up he looked in my eyes, “Maybe it wasn’t h...” he couldn’t finish the hopeful thought for he knew it wasn’t true...
Tried to believe that it wasn't true,
But in my heart I always knew,
After I calmed down his sobs he explained to me that Josh’s sister had called about 30 minutes ago to ask Chris to come down to the hospital and see Josh. He had crashed into a ditch on East River St. and had been taken straight to the hospital, when he was found by a police officer patrolling the area, but probably wasn’t going to make it. Cindy, Josh’s sister, had said that Josh would want to see him in his final hours but right as they were hanging up so Chris could leave... Josh died.
That being the life of the party would catch up to you,
Your family was waiting and crying for three d*mn hours...
God, if only Josh had listened... he wouldn’t be gone now... I wouldn’t be here crying with my boyfriend for the loss of his best friend... He didn’t deserve this... I didn’t deserve this... Josh’s family didn’t either... And, mostly, Josh didn’t deserve this.
Every time I looked into Chris’s eyes that night and Sunday morning I could only see one thing replaying over and over...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
Everything’s good on the straight a way,
But you took that turn doing eighty-five in a thirty-five...
Why, babe?
The wake was that Tuesday, the funeral the day after that... Mandy and I came, Chris, of course, was there. Josh’s parents and sister and a slew of people I’d never even heard of, much less, met! People from school, Katrina... Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Nearly the whole neighborhood and surrounding areas was there.
The crying, grief and sadness was nearly unbearable but what was worse was Chris. I had never seen him in that much pain... Not even when his grandfather, whom he was close to, died. Josh was like his brother... I never realized just how much he meant to him.
I caught him out on his back porch the next day... he was singing so I hid and just listened. The words brought tears to my eyes and the emotion in his voice made them fall.
Every time I'm home I pass that road,
Driving alone and the street feels cold,
Seeing your face yeah it's haunting me...
My mind goes crazy tryin' to figure out,
Just where you would be four years from now,
And what you were thinking when the lights came down...
The doctors were trying to save you for three d*mn hours...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
Everything’s cool on the straight a way,
But you took that turn doing eighty-five in a thirty-five...
Why, babe?
Not being able to control myself and overcome with emotions I emerged from the side of the house, walked up to him and took his hands in mine as, together, we sang... sang to Josh.
Who ever said that life was fair...
When you live without a care...
When you're invincible...
When you're invincible...
When you're invincible,
Who thinks about leaving when you're livin'?
The tears stained both our faces by now and our voices quavered with emotion but still we sang on... it was to him... it was the last thing we could do... It was how we felt... both of us.
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way..
Everything’s cool on the straight a way,
But you took that turn doing eighty-five in a thirty-five...
And... that was it. We sat together in silence as the clouds silently rolled by in the clear blue sky of the afternoon. We didn’t need to speak... our hearts communicated on their own now...
Josh had believed for so long that he was unbreakable... That he could do the impossible. That nothing could ever take him down! That he could do anything and everything... And countless times he’d proven that... but... in the end... In the end you find out that life’s just not invincible...
I said don't do it, babe...
Said it ain't worth it, babe...
But you did it anyway,
Four or five drinks and you were on your way...
---------
There it is. (Whoa... really didn't realize it was that long... I hope that's ok.)
Please tell me what you think and be totally honest!! Remember, honesty about writing doesn't hurt the writer unless they let it! I need constructive criticism! Thank you!
So sad, so sweet. And wonderfully written! If I were to offer any criticism (and that's only cause you asked for it *wink*) I would say to really dig in to the visual and paint an in-depth picture. You don't want it to sound to sound too stoic and matter-of-fact, you know? Descriptions are a huge thing for me, I like to really feel the vision of what I'm reading. But! I felt exactly that intensity at the end: