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Storm
Apr 7, 2007 12:31:04 GMT -5
Post by Dreamer on Apr 7, 2007 12:31:04 GMT -5
Well, here's my entry, it'll either be good enough or it won't but it's here anyhow! Hope you like!
Storm
Huddling in a corner, Shivering like a mourner, Crying in fear, While the storm is near.
Chills run down spine, Thoughts enter mind, Crouching behind doors, As the storm roars.
Jumping at shadows, Screaming at creaks, Listening to the squeaks, The storm speaks!
The echo of a child, The trees have gone wild, Whispers in the wind, Watch the storm spin...
Listen as the winds get low, Hear the storm quietly blow... Does anyone know, Where she’ll go?
I personally don't like one of the lines but I'll only tell you after you tell me what YOU think! Thank you!!! ;D ~Anna Christie~
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Storm
Apr 7, 2007 14:40:23 GMT -5
Post by StoriesThatNeverWere on Apr 7, 2007 14:40:23 GMT -5
I think this was great! Very serious, and well described. The only tiny thing I noticed, and maybe you did this intentionally was
Chills run down spine .
Did you purposely leave out "my". It sounds a bit odd to me without it .
Otherwise, beautiful poem!
~Song
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Storm
Apr 7, 2007 17:56:33 GMT -5
Post by Wyvernwings on Apr 7, 2007 17:56:33 GMT -5
I thought it was lovely the "Chills run down spine" seems to fit well with "Thoughts run through mind." It looks like you wanted to add a couple of s there, but didn't want to next to doors and roars, but that's my oppnion!
Lovely!
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Storm
Apr 8, 2007 22:21:45 GMT -5
Post by Dreamer on Apr 8, 2007 22:21:45 GMT -5
Song, yes, I meant to leave out my. Sorry if that threw you off... Anyway, thank you soooo much!!! Wyvernwings, thoughts ENTER mind. Sorry, you said, thoughts run through mind! lol! Anyway, I actually didn't entend any s there... But anyhow, I may have misunderstood what you meant just now... And thank you sooo much!! I'm really glad you liked it!!! ~Anna Christie~
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Storm
Apr 9, 2007 10:00:58 GMT -5
Post by Wyvernwings on Apr 9, 2007 10:00:58 GMT -5
Haha sorry, I'm terrible about things like that. I think what I was looking at is how an s could make it propper english, but then when you said that it's like,
"Oh stupid, it's poetry there is no proper!" I hate it when my demons call me stupid... Any way I really like it. ;D
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Storm
Apr 9, 2007 11:58:32 GMT -5
Post by Dreamer on Apr 9, 2007 11:58:32 GMT -5
He, he! Don't worry about it! I'm just glad you liked it!! Thanks again!! ~Anna Christie~
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Storm
Apr 9, 2007 17:55:59 GMT -5
Post by Lady Mage on Apr 9, 2007 17:55:59 GMT -5
I like it! So many entries, only one vote!
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