sly
Forum Newbie
Posts: 2
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Post by sly on May 11, 2007 21:59:31 GMT -5
Ice Storm
A wintry rain invades the seaway valley Molding all it grazes into crystal prisms, An illusory beauty in all its fragility Transient in its path to devastation. A gust of wind sends icicles tinkling Across smooth and slippery fields Like chimes on a lonely eerie night. Frozen tree branches groan with exertion, Hardy trees succumb from exhaustion Snapping like dry spaghetti strands, While innocent ill-fated vegetation is trapped And sealed by the suffocating glaze. Nothing is spared in this assault Against nature and human creation. Murky waters seep through foundations, Creaking ice-laden electrical wires Sag hazardously in their silvery veneer. Twisted skeletons of collapsed steel pylons Form broken lines like wounded soldiers, A grotesque testament to vulnerability. In the aftermath, the sun begins its labor, Exposing the dazzling diamond vistas And their mutilated victims, Warming its rays to liquefy the frosty shields So that the rebirth process can begin.
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Post by Wyvernwings on May 13, 2007 10:31:57 GMT -5
Wow. That's wonderful. Just a couple of thoughts on it. One was the dry spagetti, though effective sort of ruins the visual theme, maybe something else easy to snap might be replaced or even use angel hair instead.
Last thought is that it's sort of intimidating to read as you have it. Maybe if you center it it would be less intimidating.
Other than that It's really really wonderful and I really like it.
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sly
Forum Newbie
Posts: 2
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Post by sly on May 18, 2007 20:55:32 GMT -5
Thank you. Those are excellent suggestions.
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Post by Dreamer on May 25, 2007 3:13:59 GMT -5
Oooooooooooh!!!!!!!!! I adored that!!! Wow, you have a very good set of words going there, dude! Awesome job!! I love it! ~Anna Christie~
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Post by Lady Idril on May 27, 2007 22:06:42 GMT -5
Very nicely done! A very effective poem. I love your phrasing and choice of words, and the way it feels dark and intense before the lighter ending - you capture the feel of the weather perfectly.
Brava
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