Post by zenix on Jun 25, 2007 8:55:04 GMT -5
Hey all, I'm new to the site, and pretty new to writing in general. I wrote this basically as an exercise to improve my writing, and at the time I had no intention of showing it to anyone. For some reason though, I quite like the result, so I'm sticking it up here to hopefully get some constructive feedback.
Zenix.
The Perfect Day
I gaze through the window at the world outside. The teacher tells us that time is relative to speed. I look at the clock and think I must be moving very slowly. The trees outside taunt me with their laughter, the playful dancing of their branches almost enough to make me skip the class, but I've three detentions already this week and I can't afford another.
I know how I'd do it though, I've done it before. Today's lesson is theory, so the teacher's back is turned, writing on the blackboard. The window is already open thanks to the heat and I slip outside, my classmates ignore me – they've seen it before. Hugging the wall, I shuffle slowly along, the classroom is on the third story and it's along way down – but the sun is hot and takes away any fear I might have. The drain pipe's sturdy, with little supports spaced evenly – just like a ladder.
Back on firm ground I'm let free, the world is open. It's a perfect day for swimming, and the beach isn't far, but the five dollar note in my pocket tells me ice cream is the way to go. The shops are a fifteen minute walk, and I enjoy the exercise. Three kids play in the front yard of their house, a sprinkler shoots skyward and they race to jump through it. Their cat doesn't seem as eager, I see him sleeping on the bonnet of their car. Such a life is surely one of bliss. The streets are quiet at this time, there's no traffic. The shop keeper greets me by name, Jim's an old friend. The skate park is empty, with all the kids in school. I'm glad I brought my board. Rolling down ramps and eating my ice cream, I've practised for hours to make this look effortless. The seagulls are noisy, but their sound is refreshing. I watch two fight over the last of a discarded hot dog. I didn't think 'gulls liked tomato sauce, but I was wrong. The policeman in the patrol car looks at me strangely, he knows it's a school day. I smile and wave. I'm in a friendly mood. I talk to some people on the beach, they're easy going. The playground's near here, with a slide taller than my house. Usually I wouldn't bother, but since no one is around, it seems like a good idea. I sit on the swing and let my feet trail through the bark, the ice cream now gone. Distant sounds of fun remind me that the carnivals' in town. I'd forgotten. I'm told there's a five dollar entry fee. I climb the wall instead. The ice cream was worth it. The roller coaster's the first one I've been on, and it lives up to the hype. When it leaves us hanging upside down, I think about falling. It's a long way to the ground. The ride keeps on going and I'm back in one piece. There's a shooting gallery, but I ride the merry-go-round instead, not so violent. I think about what a perfect day it's been.
The teacher tells us that time is relative to speed. I look at the clock and think I'm standing still. I've three detentions already this week and I can't afford another.
The End.
Zenix.
The Perfect Day
I gaze through the window at the world outside. The teacher tells us that time is relative to speed. I look at the clock and think I must be moving very slowly. The trees outside taunt me with their laughter, the playful dancing of their branches almost enough to make me skip the class, but I've three detentions already this week and I can't afford another.
I know how I'd do it though, I've done it before. Today's lesson is theory, so the teacher's back is turned, writing on the blackboard. The window is already open thanks to the heat and I slip outside, my classmates ignore me – they've seen it before. Hugging the wall, I shuffle slowly along, the classroom is on the third story and it's along way down – but the sun is hot and takes away any fear I might have. The drain pipe's sturdy, with little supports spaced evenly – just like a ladder.
Back on firm ground I'm let free, the world is open. It's a perfect day for swimming, and the beach isn't far, but the five dollar note in my pocket tells me ice cream is the way to go. The shops are a fifteen minute walk, and I enjoy the exercise. Three kids play in the front yard of their house, a sprinkler shoots skyward and they race to jump through it. Their cat doesn't seem as eager, I see him sleeping on the bonnet of their car. Such a life is surely one of bliss. The streets are quiet at this time, there's no traffic. The shop keeper greets me by name, Jim's an old friend. The skate park is empty, with all the kids in school. I'm glad I brought my board. Rolling down ramps and eating my ice cream, I've practised for hours to make this look effortless. The seagulls are noisy, but their sound is refreshing. I watch two fight over the last of a discarded hot dog. I didn't think 'gulls liked tomato sauce, but I was wrong. The policeman in the patrol car looks at me strangely, he knows it's a school day. I smile and wave. I'm in a friendly mood. I talk to some people on the beach, they're easy going. The playground's near here, with a slide taller than my house. Usually I wouldn't bother, but since no one is around, it seems like a good idea. I sit on the swing and let my feet trail through the bark, the ice cream now gone. Distant sounds of fun remind me that the carnivals' in town. I'd forgotten. I'm told there's a five dollar entry fee. I climb the wall instead. The ice cream was worth it. The roller coaster's the first one I've been on, and it lives up to the hype. When it leaves us hanging upside down, I think about falling. It's a long way to the ground. The ride keeps on going and I'm back in one piece. There's a shooting gallery, but I ride the merry-go-round instead, not so violent. I think about what a perfect day it's been.
The teacher tells us that time is relative to speed. I look at the clock and think I'm standing still. I've three detentions already this week and I can't afford another.
The End.
