Post by Anime Monster on Jan 25, 2006 21:17:54 GMT -5
Disclaimer: Suffice to say I have no claim to Harry Potter. Neither do I own the inspiration for this piece. The inspiration was from The Howard Stern Show and Queen. “Get Down Make Love” is Queen’s and “I Went the Gay Way (2006)” is Howard Stern’s. All these things (THAT ARE NOT MINE) belong to probably too many people for me to list, but J.K. Rowling is the author of Harry Potter, Queen is the group that wrote “Get Down Make Love,” and Howard Stern wrote “I Went the Gay Way.”
Author’s Note: Let’s see, this idea started forming this morning when I heard “I Went the Gay Way (2006)” on the Howard Stern Show on Sirius 100. It got stuck in my head completely when I heard Queen’s “Get Down Make Love”
Anyone that takes this extreme work of crack seriously should be shot nineteen times in the genitalia and then get bludgeoned six-hundred sixty-six times with rotted bananas. Nothing in this is serious in anyway, but is used as a “vacation” from the seriously angsty world of Crimson Dream/Revival, Deception is the Point of Winning, and all the other stuff I’ve been writing lately.
Summary: After a night of Truth-Or-Dare the Gryffindors have to complete a list of ridiculous dares at Breakfast Monday morning. All the dares are shocking, but the most shocking is THE DARE given to Harry.
Rating: PG-13 (strong)
Every student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft of Wizardry should have realized that something was wrong that day, but who would have thought it? Okay, I mean, sure Snape actually smiled, and Dumbledore came to the Great Hall for breakfast wearing a smilie-face loin cloth and nothing more, though the latter was beginning to become a more regular occurance, but who would have thought that something so insane could happen in a boarding school in which students are suffering from the worst case of cabin fever since Columbus, due to a harsher than normal winter and Death Eater attacks in Hogsmede, the local village?
I suppose as your narrator I should start from the beginning of this insane story. It all started with a dare. Last night the Gryffindors played Truth-or-Dare and had dares that continued onto the following day. Hermione had to go snog Snape, leading to the smile, Ron had to sit in Neville’s lap and feed the latter his breakfast, Seamus had to stand on the staff table and do a sober rendition of an Irish drinking song of his choice, and Dean had to sing “God Save the Queen” to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Needless to say, people didn’t think it could get much worse. That was until Harry’s dare was revealed.
Breakfast was half over when the doors of the Great Hall opened to reveal Harry Potter, Lavendar Brown, and Pavarti Patil. As usual eyes landed on the two girls, who along with Pansy Parkinson, Ginny Weasley, Padma Patil, and Cho Chang were the hottest girls in Hogwarts, before landing on Harry. Or what they thought was Harry, what had to be Harry. The fact is, Harry wasn’t dressed like Harry. Instead of his robe he was wearing a leather trench coat, open, instead of his uniform top he was wearing a red mesh shirt showing a tattoo of a green snake wrapped around a gold and silver sword, instead of uniform shoes he was wearing green dragon-hide “go-go” boots with a three inch heel (how he managed to walk down seven flights of stairs was anyone’s guess), but the most noticeable difference was instead of his uniform pants, Harry Potter was wearing a black, leather, mini-skirt. Jaws dropped.
By the time it was Harry’s turn for the next day dare everyone was more than a little drunk, hell, Seamus had passed out. Neville had come up with the original dare (to cross-dress) and everyone had added specifications to it (Dean added the tattoo, Seamus the top, Hermione the coat--“We have to keep with uniform”, Ginny the boots, Parvarti and Lavendar had said they’d make sure Harry was nice looking, and Ron had made up the next part).
Harry, as if he did so every day, strode over to the Slytherin table. “Excuse me, will someone help me up?” he asked his Slytherin Year-mates. Crabbe and Goyle held out hands and hoisted Harry up onto the table where he walked to the center and turned to the Great Hall.
“Sonorus,” he whispered. “Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?” he really didn’t need to say anything, all eyes in the Great Hall were already on him. “Thank you,” he said. “Today, for your listening and visual pleasure I shall be singing a song by the Muggle band, Queen. I’m glad you all are being big sports for Gryffindor’s Day-After dares and I hope you will not curse me to death for this.”
He cleared his throat and music began to play. The sounds of a classic rock s*x song filled the Great Hall. If anyone was expecting what came next, they didn’t show it:
“Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
You take my body
I give you heat
You say you’re hungry
I give you meat
I suck your mind
You blow my head
Make love
Inside your bed - everybody
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love”
As he song these words he strode up and down the Slytherin table bending to stroke a finger up and down a guy’s cheek or stopping to kick a drooler back, giving all those around the person a glimpse at a red thong. Girls were swooning and guys, both straight and gay were feeling a steering in their pants as the Boy-Who-Lived walked along the Slytherin table like the Prostitute-Who-Lived. His hair, lengthened and combed, flipped around his face, devoid of glasses, as he pivoted, turned, and glided along the table like a run-way model.
“Ev’rytime I get hot
You wanna cool down
Ev’rytime I get high
You say you wanna come down
You say it’s enough
In fact it’s too much
Ev’rytime I get a
Get down get down get down
Make love”
Slowly, as if the words of the song were true, Harry shimmied out of his trench coat and let it fall on the table, coincidently in front of Draco Malfoy, who snatched it up and hugged it too his chest. It was as if the hall was placed under a universal Veela spell. Everyone was drooling, every guy in the hall felt like one more move would make them shoot a load off in their pants, and every eye stared unblinkingly at the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-A-Flaming-Pouf.
“(Get down) I can squeeze - (make love) you can shake me
(Get down) I can feel - (make love) you can break me
(Get down) Come on so heavy (make love)
(Get down) When you take me (make love)
You make love you make love you make love you make love
You can make ev’rybody get down make love
Get down make love”
As he sang these lyrics he waved his wand and covered everyone’s hands in K-Y Jelly, running his hands over the top of his shirt and then under and into his skirt. Guys and girls groaned and moaned. The Slytherins looked like they all wanted to get on their table and pounced the teen and take the words to heart. They wanted to kiss those luscious-red painted lips, make the black mascara run, and suck the green fingernails one by one into their mouths. It was a good thing the younger years all got to sleep in on Monday mornings or howlers would have been sent the next day.
“Ev’rytime I get high
You wanna come down
Ev’rytime I get hot
You say you wanna cool down
You say it’s enough
In fact it’s too much
Ev’rytime I wanna get down get down get down”
Harry stopped striding along the table and came to a halt in front of his year mates with his back to Draco and his front to the rest of the school he got down. He bent at the knees and twisted himself towards the table top, moving his hands over his head like seaweed under the ocean. He got so low that the bottom of his skirt actually brushed the table top, giving everyone a good view of how flexible the Boy-Who-Obviously-Skinny-Dipped-In-The-Other-Great-Lake was.
“Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love”
He started bending to the side so that he could stretch out on his side on top of the Slytherin table. Trays, plates, goblets, pitchers, bowls, etc. moved out of his way as he laid and stretched out. Several guys could hold it no longer and shot off in their pants with screams, groans, and moans. Bitten lips bled freely, as hands disappeared beneath robes and into pants or skirts.
“Ev’rytime I get hot
You wanna cool down
Ev’ry time I get high
You say you wanna come down
You say it’s enough
In fact it’s too much
Ev’rytime I wanna
Get down get down
Get down make love”
As the song closed Harry rolled over so he was facing Draco and rolled off onto the Slytherin’s lap. He wrapped his arms around the hard-as-rock Slytherin’s neck and then snogged him like there would be no tomorrow, like several students were thinking. The instrumental faded out and people rushed out of the hall to ensconce themselves in the nearest restroom stall, even if it was Moaning Myrtle’s and they were a guy, or to their dorms to change from soiled garments. In the hall all that remained were Harry and Draco, oblivious to all around them, but the other’s lips, and Dumbledore who’s smilie-face loincloth was tented.
Author’s Note: Let’s see, this idea started forming this morning when I heard “I Went the Gay Way (2006)” on the Howard Stern Show on Sirius 100. It got stuck in my head completely when I heard Queen’s “Get Down Make Love”
Anyone that takes this extreme work of crack seriously should be shot nineteen times in the genitalia and then get bludgeoned six-hundred sixty-six times with rotted bananas. Nothing in this is serious in anyway, but is used as a “vacation” from the seriously angsty world of Crimson Dream/Revival, Deception is the Point of Winning, and all the other stuff I’ve been writing lately.
Summary: After a night of Truth-Or-Dare the Gryffindors have to complete a list of ridiculous dares at Breakfast Monday morning. All the dares are shocking, but the most shocking is THE DARE given to Harry.
Rating: PG-13 (strong)
The Gay Way
__________________________________________________
“Get K-Y!”
--Howard Stern “I Went the Gay Way”
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
“Get K-Y!”
--Howard Stern “I Went the Gay Way”
__________________________________________________
Every student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft of Wizardry should have realized that something was wrong that day, but who would have thought it? Okay, I mean, sure Snape actually smiled, and Dumbledore came to the Great Hall for breakfast wearing a smilie-face loin cloth and nothing more, though the latter was beginning to become a more regular occurance, but who would have thought that something so insane could happen in a boarding school in which students are suffering from the worst case of cabin fever since Columbus, due to a harsher than normal winter and Death Eater attacks in Hogsmede, the local village?
I suppose as your narrator I should start from the beginning of this insane story. It all started with a dare. Last night the Gryffindors played Truth-or-Dare and had dares that continued onto the following day. Hermione had to go snog Snape, leading to the smile, Ron had to sit in Neville’s lap and feed the latter his breakfast, Seamus had to stand on the staff table and do a sober rendition of an Irish drinking song of his choice, and Dean had to sing “God Save the Queen” to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Needless to say, people didn’t think it could get much worse. That was until Harry’s dare was revealed.
Breakfast was half over when the doors of the Great Hall opened to reveal Harry Potter, Lavendar Brown, and Pavarti Patil. As usual eyes landed on the two girls, who along with Pansy Parkinson, Ginny Weasley, Padma Patil, and Cho Chang were the hottest girls in Hogwarts, before landing on Harry. Or what they thought was Harry, what had to be Harry. The fact is, Harry wasn’t dressed like Harry. Instead of his robe he was wearing a leather trench coat, open, instead of his uniform top he was wearing a red mesh shirt showing a tattoo of a green snake wrapped around a gold and silver sword, instead of uniform shoes he was wearing green dragon-hide “go-go” boots with a three inch heel (how he managed to walk down seven flights of stairs was anyone’s guess), but the most noticeable difference was instead of his uniform pants, Harry Potter was wearing a black, leather, mini-skirt. Jaws dropped.
By the time it was Harry’s turn for the next day dare everyone was more than a little drunk, hell, Seamus had passed out. Neville had come up with the original dare (to cross-dress) and everyone had added specifications to it (Dean added the tattoo, Seamus the top, Hermione the coat--“We have to keep with uniform”, Ginny the boots, Parvarti and Lavendar had said they’d make sure Harry was nice looking, and Ron had made up the next part).
Harry, as if he did so every day, strode over to the Slytherin table. “Excuse me, will someone help me up?” he asked his Slytherin Year-mates. Crabbe and Goyle held out hands and hoisted Harry up onto the table where he walked to the center and turned to the Great Hall.
“Sonorus,” he whispered. “Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?” he really didn’t need to say anything, all eyes in the Great Hall were already on him. “Thank you,” he said. “Today, for your listening and visual pleasure I shall be singing a song by the Muggle band, Queen. I’m glad you all are being big sports for Gryffindor’s Day-After dares and I hope you will not curse me to death for this.”
He cleared his throat and music began to play. The sounds of a classic rock s*x song filled the Great Hall. If anyone was expecting what came next, they didn’t show it:
“Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
You take my body
I give you heat
You say you’re hungry
I give you meat
I suck your mind
You blow my head
Make love
Inside your bed - everybody
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love”
As he song these words he strode up and down the Slytherin table bending to stroke a finger up and down a guy’s cheek or stopping to kick a drooler back, giving all those around the person a glimpse at a red thong. Girls were swooning and guys, both straight and gay were feeling a steering in their pants as the Boy-Who-Lived walked along the Slytherin table like the Prostitute-Who-Lived. His hair, lengthened and combed, flipped around his face, devoid of glasses, as he pivoted, turned, and glided along the table like a run-way model.
“Ev’rytime I get hot
You wanna cool down
Ev’rytime I get high
You say you wanna come down
You say it’s enough
In fact it’s too much
Ev’rytime I get a
Get down get down get down
Make love”
Slowly, as if the words of the song were true, Harry shimmied out of his trench coat and let it fall on the table, coincidently in front of Draco Malfoy, who snatched it up and hugged it too his chest. It was as if the hall was placed under a universal Veela spell. Everyone was drooling, every guy in the hall felt like one more move would make them shoot a load off in their pants, and every eye stared unblinkingly at the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-A-Flaming-Pouf.
“(Get down) I can squeeze - (make love) you can shake me
(Get down) I can feel - (make love) you can break me
(Get down) Come on so heavy (make love)
(Get down) When you take me (make love)
You make love you make love you make love you make love
You can make ev’rybody get down make love
Get down make love”
As he sang these lyrics he waved his wand and covered everyone’s hands in K-Y Jelly, running his hands over the top of his shirt and then under and into his skirt. Guys and girls groaned and moaned. The Slytherins looked like they all wanted to get on their table and pounced the teen and take the words to heart. They wanted to kiss those luscious-red painted lips, make the black mascara run, and suck the green fingernails one by one into their mouths. It was a good thing the younger years all got to sleep in on Monday mornings or howlers would have been sent the next day.
“Ev’rytime I get high
You wanna come down
Ev’rytime I get hot
You say you wanna cool down
You say it’s enough
In fact it’s too much
Ev’rytime I wanna get down get down get down”
Harry stopped striding along the table and came to a halt in front of his year mates with his back to Draco and his front to the rest of the school he got down. He bent at the knees and twisted himself towards the table top, moving his hands over his head like seaweed under the ocean. He got so low that the bottom of his skirt actually brushed the table top, giving everyone a good view of how flexible the Boy-Who-Obviously-Skinny-Dipped-In-The-Other-Great-Lake was.
“Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love
Get down make love”
He started bending to the side so that he could stretch out on his side on top of the Slytherin table. Trays, plates, goblets, pitchers, bowls, etc. moved out of his way as he laid and stretched out. Several guys could hold it no longer and shot off in their pants with screams, groans, and moans. Bitten lips bled freely, as hands disappeared beneath robes and into pants or skirts.
“Ev’rytime I get hot
You wanna cool down
Ev’ry time I get high
You say you wanna come down
You say it’s enough
In fact it’s too much
Ev’rytime I wanna
Get down get down
Get down make love”
As the song closed Harry rolled over so he was facing Draco and rolled off onto the Slytherin’s lap. He wrapped his arms around the hard-as-rock Slytherin’s neck and then snogged him like there would be no tomorrow, like several students were thinking. The instrumental faded out and people rushed out of the hall to ensconce themselves in the nearest restroom stall, even if it was Moaning Myrtle’s and they were a guy, or to their dorms to change from soiled garments. In the hall all that remained were Harry and Draco, oblivious to all around them, but the other’s lips, and Dumbledore who’s smilie-face loincloth was tented.