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Post by Meluivan Indil on Nov 15, 2007 18:30:20 GMT -5
Well only two entries for this contest. Check them out below. Miss Mourge by faerieofdoom Sidney High by darkstar
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Post by Ark on Nov 15, 2007 19:38:59 GMT -5
Now, I've yet to read anything from the two of you before this, and I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised. Faerie's writing style was fitting for her story, which slighted it a bit, a fact that I'll go into in a minute.
Dark, your story hit me as a bit shorter than I would've liked, but it fits, given that it seems to be full of banter, which constitutes a lighter story.
Personally, the nail in the coffin for my decision was the stories themselves. Faerie, I could have almost sworn I'd read yours before before realizing that it's just a bit too cliche. Therefore, Dark gets my vote.
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Post by neb92 on Nov 15, 2007 22:25:21 GMT -5
I have to agree with dark that Miss Mourge was slightly cliche. However, there was no real plot that I could discern in Sydney High, although it had a lot of oppurtunity. I have to admit though, that I'm slightly prejudiced to stories that made me laugh all the way through it. The last line had me going for a couple of seconds. 'Oh. My. God.' lol
Also, in Sydney High, the last line was 'Ms. Jones grabbed her car keys and walked off to face the world.' It seems to me that Ms. Jones had been facing the world all day, what with high school students, insane book company people, and then the misinformed text book company people. The last line could have been different... I don't know, it just doesn't click with me.
In Miss Mourge, there were also a lot of cliches that were irritating me throughout the story. Using over-used phrases, even if they fit, isn't a good idea because people quickly get tired of reading them over and over again.
I remember there was this one book that had the line 'burst out laughing' in it twice, and I could never pick the book up again. It had an awesome plot, I loved the characters, but there were too many cliches.
I think I'll have to participate in one of these. They seem like a lot of fun =)
Neb
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FaerieOfDoom
Junior Member
Perry...Perry the Platypus!
Posts: 57
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Post by FaerieOfDoom on Nov 16, 2007 4:13:49 GMT -5
Wow. Thanks for your honesty, there. It's always nice.
But, I just have to say that - Miss Mourge was just a bit of light fun I wrote for this competition. I might sound defensive, here - and, I am, really - but the whole thing was cliche because that's what it was. I had hoped that I had made it different, a twist on the whole concept of a teacher from another planet - because you can't write something like that without it having seemed to have been done before. I don't usually write stuff like Miss Mourge, so it was a new experience for me.
But, I understand what you're saying and I'll keep it in mind. Thank you, again.
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Post by Ark on Nov 16, 2007 16:22:46 GMT -5
No problem faerie.
Either way, neb, looking over Sydney High makes it apparent that it was meant to be a light piece, which is why a "real" plot would have been inadequate, and ultimately slowed down the piece, ruining much of the light-hearted feel that makes it entertaining. The only real problem I have with it is the faulty grammar, which was tough to get by initially, but didn't hamper the piece greatly.
Now, as for the last line, it seems to fit better than you feel, after a third read-through. It just gives the story a sort of cyclic nature, knowing that Mrs. Jones has gone through the events of the story, and knowing that she will probably face them again the next day (not the exact same ones, but you get the idea). This makes the short length of the story much more bearable, even if it's a subtle touch. But, the whole idea of voting is to have your own perceptions, and literature is highly subjective in terms of interpretation, so we'll agree to disagree.
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