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Post by rayman112 on Jul 2, 2007 17:47:37 GMT -5
This story is pretty good. My only suggestion is that you put a space in-between dialogue.
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Post by LadyRiona on Jul 2, 2007 22:48:06 GMT -5
Like ray said, when you write your dialogue, make a new paragraph when different people speak. You grammar is pretty good but I noticed a few spots where you wrote just a fragment or something. Description is pretty good, and yes it's a prologue and those generally aren't too detailed so I hope to see more detail. Not just description, however; some writers I know aren't detailed with say the territory or a character's description unless it's pertinent. Don't be afraid to write out the actions a little more in depth, and thoughts. And telling how things look doesn't hurt, either, if you're a descriptive writer in that way.
Otherwise, I like where this is going, so good luck.
EDIT: Also, please add a rating (K for Kid, K+ for Kids Plus, T for Teen. If it turns out it's going to be M (for mature) then it'll have to be moved) and as much of a summary as you can. Thanks!
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