Good Girl

[panther]

I wrote this poem a few days ago when I was going through this really hard time in my life... anyways I'm over it now.

~Panther

Good Girl

I’m a good girl,
Aren’t I?
But you can’t see
The secrets that I keep
So deep inside.
I am crushed,
Torn open,
Bruised,
And broken.
Day on day,
Hour on hour—
Broken lies—
There are so many tears
I’ve cried
I feel wasted,
Useless—
I feel no joy,
Only pain.
I have few friends
The best of which is a knife:
Small cuts,
Big cuts,
Deep and shallow—
Words and lines
That bleed my shame.
Who could love me?
Who could care?
I am just that good girl;
The one everyone thinks they know—
All straight ‘A’s and purity
Perfect looks and not a problem in the world;
But it’s just a façade
Underneath the exterior
There is a girl
Bleeding inside
I know you can’t see it
But I can’t take the pain,
Every night I cry myself to sleep,
Writhing in anger,
Smoldering,
Biding my time.
And night after night
New blood is spilled
And I realize what is going on
I’m battling it away again
You know no one cares,
Their blank faces—
empty stares.
A tic-tac-toe game
Drawn in blood.
Here with this knife
This is where I have control
One day I’ll let it all bleed out
And then the pain won’t matter
Because it’ll all be gone,
And I won’t care.
After all, they only see the outside
They never look close enough to see the real me
They only see the good girl
But that doesn’t help
I’m not just the good girl,
I too am me.