Post by plague on Jan 26, 2008 17:59:30 GMT -5
The things you see when you’re laying on your deathbed.
I had the same emotions that every other person felt when they were told that they only had so much time to live. My heart skipped a few beats and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had a difficult time coming to the realization that I was going to die. On a subconscious level, everyone knows that some day they are going to die. It really hits home when you discover that someone has pinpointed your approximate death and that the process of dying had just sped up.
I went through all of the tests and procedures to try and slow the growth of the tumors that had taken over my body. In the beginning, I vowed to fight the disease with every ounce of strength I had left. I was petrified with the thought of leaving my loved ones behind, but I was even more scared of what door opened after death.
I was diagnosed with stomach cancer in June. By December, of the same year, I was confined to my bed, too weak to do much of anything for myself, and too weak to care. Try and imagine the sickest that you have ever been and then on top of that, throw in the worst pain you have ever felt. Once you have imagined this, think about the fact that no medication that they gave you provided any relief.
I had just turned 41 in May. And was happily married to Sarah, my high school sweetheart. We had two lovely children, Jenny, my 17 year old daughter and my 15 year old son, Wayne Jr. By this time, things were very hard on my family than it was on me. My medication succeeded in making me feel in and out of reality, but my family had to watch me deteriorate before their very eyes. I struggled with the thought that I would be leaving soon, but they would remain and their thoughts of these last moments would stay with them forever.
There were many nights that the kids refused to go out with their friends, or even to school, for fear that I would be gone when they returned. Some nights, we just sat together as a family and held each other. It was the little things that mattered. After the kids would go to bed, Sarah laid with me and just held me. She tried so hard to keep from crying. It was hard on everyone.
I started seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, but when I turned, the image would be gone. I had the strangest feeling that I was being watched. Sometimes I would see dark shapes at the very limit of my vision, like a mirage. I remembered hearing that when a person was close to death, they saw things they didn’t understand.
I awakened in the middle of the night to the uncanny feeling that I was not alone. I expected to see Sarah or one of the kids sitting with me. What I saw was a being standing at the foot of my bed. The figure was cloaked entirely in blackness. So menacing was the figure that gloom and dread seemed to emanate from it’s very being. It was then that I noticed the ghostly wisps of smoke gliding around the room like a whirlwind. I could hear inaudible whispers coming from everywhere and the choked sound of laughter chilled me to the bone.
Sarah came to me the first thing in the morning, like she always did. The figure remained, even in the daylight. She walked past the shape like it wasn’t there. She must have noticed the look on my face. She sat down next to me and held my hand. “What’s wrong, honey?”
Of course, I didn’t want to concern her and tell her that there was an unexplainable presence in my room, that would probably have signaled that I was losing my mind and I didn’t want that. I concluded that it had to be my condition, “nothing, just happy to see you.”
As I laid staring at the being, a thought occurred to me. What if there was such a thing as Heaven and Hell? What if you were actually judged by what you had done on Earth? I hadn’t been a “bad guy” but I wasn’t exactly a “good guy” either, after all, I was a lawyer. I did things that I wasn’t exactly proud of, but so had everyone. I had attended church a few times, but it was never something that I did on a regular basis, more of a social obligation than anything.
A person hears things throughout their entire life that sometimes comes back to them. Wether it was through the pastor that I heard, newspaper articles, or television programs as I channel surfed, certain things stuck with me. The wages of sin, the road to Heaven is straight and narrow while the road to Hell is a ten lane freeway, or Heaven is only a repentance away.
I did something that I had never done seriously in my entire life. I closed my eyes and started to pray. What I said was between God and myself, but it focused on forgiveness and repentance. Even when I cried with my family over my illness, I had never cried so much as I had at that very moment.
As I opened my eyes, I could see through the blur of tears that the figure was gone. The entire room seemed brighter and serene. My spirits lifted immediately and I was no longer afraid of what would become of me after I died.
My name is Jenny and I am finishing my father’s entry into this ledger where he kept his personal thoughts. Shortly after he made this final entry, he passed away. It was so hard watching him go, but somehow I knew that he was at peace and ready to leave the pain and suffering behind. Before he passed, he spoke with us about the incredible things that he had seen and felt, most of which is mentioned earlier. I miss him terribly and will love him forever.
I had the same emotions that every other person felt when they were told that they only had so much time to live. My heart skipped a few beats and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had a difficult time coming to the realization that I was going to die. On a subconscious level, everyone knows that some day they are going to die. It really hits home when you discover that someone has pinpointed your approximate death and that the process of dying had just sped up.
I went through all of the tests and procedures to try and slow the growth of the tumors that had taken over my body. In the beginning, I vowed to fight the disease with every ounce of strength I had left. I was petrified with the thought of leaving my loved ones behind, but I was even more scared of what door opened after death.
I was diagnosed with stomach cancer in June. By December, of the same year, I was confined to my bed, too weak to do much of anything for myself, and too weak to care. Try and imagine the sickest that you have ever been and then on top of that, throw in the worst pain you have ever felt. Once you have imagined this, think about the fact that no medication that they gave you provided any relief.
I had just turned 41 in May. And was happily married to Sarah, my high school sweetheart. We had two lovely children, Jenny, my 17 year old daughter and my 15 year old son, Wayne Jr. By this time, things were very hard on my family than it was on me. My medication succeeded in making me feel in and out of reality, but my family had to watch me deteriorate before their very eyes. I struggled with the thought that I would be leaving soon, but they would remain and their thoughts of these last moments would stay with them forever.
There were many nights that the kids refused to go out with their friends, or even to school, for fear that I would be gone when they returned. Some nights, we just sat together as a family and held each other. It was the little things that mattered. After the kids would go to bed, Sarah laid with me and just held me. She tried so hard to keep from crying. It was hard on everyone.
I started seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, but when I turned, the image would be gone. I had the strangest feeling that I was being watched. Sometimes I would see dark shapes at the very limit of my vision, like a mirage. I remembered hearing that when a person was close to death, they saw things they didn’t understand.
I awakened in the middle of the night to the uncanny feeling that I was not alone. I expected to see Sarah or one of the kids sitting with me. What I saw was a being standing at the foot of my bed. The figure was cloaked entirely in blackness. So menacing was the figure that gloom and dread seemed to emanate from it’s very being. It was then that I noticed the ghostly wisps of smoke gliding around the room like a whirlwind. I could hear inaudible whispers coming from everywhere and the choked sound of laughter chilled me to the bone.
Sarah came to me the first thing in the morning, like she always did. The figure remained, even in the daylight. She walked past the shape like it wasn’t there. She must have noticed the look on my face. She sat down next to me and held my hand. “What’s wrong, honey?”
Of course, I didn’t want to concern her and tell her that there was an unexplainable presence in my room, that would probably have signaled that I was losing my mind and I didn’t want that. I concluded that it had to be my condition, “nothing, just happy to see you.”
As I laid staring at the being, a thought occurred to me. What if there was such a thing as Heaven and Hell? What if you were actually judged by what you had done on Earth? I hadn’t been a “bad guy” but I wasn’t exactly a “good guy” either, after all, I was a lawyer. I did things that I wasn’t exactly proud of, but so had everyone. I had attended church a few times, but it was never something that I did on a regular basis, more of a social obligation than anything.
A person hears things throughout their entire life that sometimes comes back to them. Wether it was through the pastor that I heard, newspaper articles, or television programs as I channel surfed, certain things stuck with me. The wages of sin, the road to Heaven is straight and narrow while the road to Hell is a ten lane freeway, or Heaven is only a repentance away.
I did something that I had never done seriously in my entire life. I closed my eyes and started to pray. What I said was between God and myself, but it focused on forgiveness and repentance. Even when I cried with my family over my illness, I had never cried so much as I had at that very moment.
As I opened my eyes, I could see through the blur of tears that the figure was gone. The entire room seemed brighter and serene. My spirits lifted immediately and I was no longer afraid of what would become of me after I died.
My name is Jenny and I am finishing my father’s entry into this ledger where he kept his personal thoughts. Shortly after he made this final entry, he passed away. It was so hard watching him go, but somehow I knew that he was at peace and ready to leave the pain and suffering behind. Before he passed, he spoke with us about the incredible things that he had seen and felt, most of which is mentioned earlier. I miss him terribly and will love him forever.