There once was a poor woodcutter.........

[twigs]

Ok, this is my first story, and i havent got a lot of time, so im going to do it bit by bit.... here is the first bit.

There once was a poor woodcutter. (I know all fairy tales start like this, but give be a break) He lived in a forest full of giant trees...... exept they weren't normal trees (they never are in stories like these).... they were magic ones. However he was completley unaware of this (of course). So every day he would go into the forest nonchalantly and cut down more of these precious trees...(without even considering what it did to the enviroment)

Anyway, he kept doing this (for years, probably) until one day he was chainsawing down a particuarly old tree and it fell over. (yes, all trees do that, magic or not) Thing was, when it fell over, a little old man stepped out (a gnome, to be exact) and asked him what he would like to know (no, not a wish, just a bit of knoledge). The poor woodcutter replied~

"I want to know how to get these anoyying parethasees out of my life" (HEY! no fair!)

So the gnome said: "You must go burn ten thimbulfulls of magic tree sawdust by the light of the moon" (awwww man, you stupid gnome!)

But the woodcutter didn't know that all his trees were magic, (good for the parenthsees person) so he sold his forest to a big developing place (those companies always need more land) and he set off to find magic wood. (ah well)

[twigs]

And so, he came upon a lumber yard (how handy). After talking to the Forman, he was told that there was a forest just north where there was a woodcutter who sold the lumber yard magic wood at very low prices (geuss who that is). And so the poor ex-woodcutter set off back the way he had come (ohhh, he shouldnt have sold his forest) Well, it was the work of a couple hours to get back up to the forest, buy most of it back, chop a tree down, burn the 10 thimbleufulls,(that was WAY to easy) and happily watch the parenthasees person dispear (ARRRRRRrrrrrrrggggggg!) That was finished.

But everyone knows that burning 10 thimbulfullsof magic tree sawdust is the process for summoning a dragon......and thats just what the poor woodcutter had done. The next morning he had a giant dragon sitting on top of his hut. It was the chineese yin-long type, and it was gigantic. The woodcutter fled, and came back with the police. The Dragon made these into a very fine breakfast. The Poor Woodcutter fled again, and at noon came back with the national gaurd. The Yin-Long deep fat fried them and found they were very good eating, even if the pointy gun things did hurt going down. Then he flew to some unknown island and there feasted on natives.

\±/ to be continued \±/

[twigs]

And so it was decided that the dragon should be bombed. This the AF did with no less that 100 bombers. But EVERYONE knows that dragons are bombproof, and so that didn’t work. And so it was then decided that the dragon should be poisoned. The experts did some research, and found dragons only ate people. This presented a bit of a problem, as no one wanted to be dipped in arsenic and eaten alive. So that didn’t work. And so they gave up, deciding that killing the beast was impossible.

They were completely right. However, there might have been ways to get rid of Dragons, so the top scientists of the land set to work. The first thing they tried was putting the ashes of the 10 thimblefuls of magic wood sawdust back together using complex methods of electrosyilisis and whatnot. That didn’t work. So they tried with new ashes. That didn’t work.

Finally someone found out that it might go back to china if they fed it magical Chinese food. They did this, but then the dragon ate all the commies there. That wasn’t a bad thing, it just left the country in chaos. And the dragon still wasn’t dead.

So they just made the dragon President of china and they all lived happily ever after.

THE END