Post by chibinaru on Nov 29, 2005 16:49:41 GMT -5
This is a weird little humor one-shot I created. We had ADHD knowledge HAMMERED into us in Psychology and Naruto was the first thing that came to mind. Basically, Naruto decides to gorge on Snickers Bars, making him even more hyperactive... The title basically explains it. XD
Rating- T
Spoilers- None
Warnings- There's prolly some random OOC-ness that worked its way into it. But with a fic called Ritalin, what did you expect?
Disclaimer- Last time I checked, I didn't own Naruto. If I did, it would be really messed up. Obviously.
XD Enjoy.
---
Rain poured down from the sky. It wasn’t supposed to this fine, fine day. The weatherman clearly stated that there would be, quote, ‘bountiful amounts of GLORIOUS sunshine shining down upon our village haven’. Their first mistake was making the mistake in a village full of ninjas, the second one being calling the village a ‘haven’. Surely the problem was resolved swiftly and without a sound.
On this blurry day, Shikamaru laid upon the grass, gazing at the sky in a half-bored, half-drowsy state; as if he wasn’t really all there. Of course, the rain was kept off of himself thanks to his spiffy new umbrella. The umbrella’s handle stuck in the ground with the umbrella top open, providing wonderful, sacred dryness.
A happy bird full of berries decided to mosey it’s way into the airspace above an unsuspecting Shikamaru. The brown haired boy sighed to himself, knowing that he should be heading back home. But… it was such a long, grueling walk back…
He squinted as he peeked out from his umbrella upon hearing the bird above ‘squaaa’-ing at him. “Aaah… Shut up, up there.”
The bird didn’t take kindly to this, emitted a loud ‘SQUAAAA!’, and proceed to relieve itself on Shikamaru’s lovely ponytail.
“AAAAUGH! YOU STUPID BIRD!” Shikamaru cried out, grabbing leaves and other products of nature and attempting to scrape the bird residue off his head.
All of a sudden, walking home didn’t seem so troublesome. Shikamaru now had the sudden urge to leave very quickly. So he grabbed his umbrella, closed it, and walked away in a huff, letting the raindrops wash away the unwanted hair products he kindly received.
The day turned quickly to night, which is very convenient to the story. All of the innocent villagers of Konohagakure were in their homes, with the exception of the usual bums selling products within twenty feet of the school. Most were asleep as well, or at least getting there.
But in one special little house, sleeping was NOT happening. It looks like Grandpa Hokage threw a temper tantrum after seeing the condition of a certain someone’s house. After a fun-filled day of adventure trying to get around Naruto’s living room, the Hokage had decided he had had enough. It was time for a clean and he expected it to be done by morning.
This inspection, of course, had happened the previous morning. Naruto just conveniently ‘forgot’.
“Gah! This sucks,” Naruto complained, tossing an elephant Beanie Baby behind him. “That old fart… It’s not like HE’S living here! Why should he care? If I wanna live in my own filth, then I say more power to ME!”
Naruto threw up a rockfist, paused, then continued to dig around. Two broken radios and sixteen Beanie Babies later, he had successfully made his way to the kitchen. Naruto looked up at his Meow Mix clock. Apparently, Naruto has a mighty QVC addiction.
“Wow, a full ten minutes…” Naruto sighed, wiping nonexistent sweat off his forehead. “Time for a break!”
He immediately ran to the cupboards, looking for ramen. Finding that there was none, Naruto pouted. It was very rare he didn’t have ramen. It was as if the Hokage had gotten so frustrated that day he had ‘forgotten’ the ramen supply. Or something to that degree.
Naruto began pacing like a worried mother duck. “GAH! I NEED MY RAMEN FIX!”
He began looking under chairs, in cupboards, in the fridge, in the dirty clothes pile, ANYWHERE in the house that wasn’t so dirty the ramen would walk away on it’s own. But much to little Naruto’s dismay, there was no ramen in the house whatsoever.
“Well, crap.” Naruto muttered, gritting his teeth. He wandered over to the table and rested his chin on his hands. “There’s gotta be SOMETHING in this place… Surely the old man wouldn’t leave me to starve to death…”
--
“Hokage-sama?” a tanned man stood in front of the large wooden desk.
“Mm?” came the old man’s reply, not looking up at Iruka from the interesting grain of the desk.
“Did you remember Naruto’s food supply?”
“…” the Hokage didn’t move. There was a long pause. “… Ah…”
--
“GAAAAAAAAH! I NEED SOMETHING! ANYTHING!” Naruto cried, turning the house inside out. It seemed that this proved successful, for the blond found a bag sitting handily in the corner, just waiting to be found. “What the…? What’s this peculiar little object?”
Naruto grabbed the bag without hesitation and raised it above his head. He read the label. “‘Snickers’, eh? … Hmm…”
--
Morning had come upon the village and the villagers appeared very distracted by a little something. Iruka, being the tattletale he was, decided it might be a good idea to bring it to the Hokage’s attention.
“I’m sorry to bother you this early in the morning, Hokage-sama, but…”
“Again, Iruka? When I said ‘stop by any time’, I didn’t think you’d use this as your, how do you kids say nowadays, ‘hang out’? ‘Cool spot’? Am I getting warmer?”
Iruka chuckled slightly, trying to stay calm. “Um… T-That’s… Sorry. Actually, Hokage-sama, it seems as if we have a little problem on our hands.”
The Hokage stopped trying to be hip and replied, “Oh? And what might this little problem be?”
“Well, it’s Naruto, of course,” Iruka began, moving his hands awkwardly as he talked. “I think he should be sedated.”
--
“FLYYYYYY! FLY THROUGH THE AIR AS YOU’VE NEVER FLOWN BEFORE!” Naruto screamed, standing on top of his home. He made his left hand ‘talk’ as he spoke, and in his right he held a polka-dotted giraffe Beanie Baby named Pi-chan. “What do you want to today Pi-chan?”
Villagers were glaring up from below at the boy with mixed reactions. They didn’t know whether to laugh their heads off or be very, very afraid.
It was now Pi-chan’s time to talk. “I don’t know, Naruto! Maybe I should attack all those people down there?”
Naruto took over, making his left hand ‘talk’. “No! Bad Pi-chan! Don’t attack the nice villagers!”
The hyped-up blond boy began to laugh maniacally, waving Pi-chan in the air. When he was done, he tried to stop giggling and began to shout. “Good morning villagers of Konoha! This is Uzumaki Naruto saying kiss my arse!”
After flipping the entire village the bird (and receiving a huge gasp from the villagers), Naruto jumped off the back of the house. He paused, laughed maniacally for a few seconds, and dashed away.
The front of the house was in an uproar. Back at the Hokage HQ window, Iruka held his head in his hands and the Hokage stared in awe as he smoked his crackpipe.
Iruka sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m terribly sorry you had to see that.”
The Hokage glared out the window without saying a word.
--
Meanwhile, on the mean streets of Konoha, Naruto was running as quick as he could to get away from screaming, bloodthirsty villagers. His plan was short-lived, however.
“NO! BACK, YOU ANIMALS!” Naruto shrieked. He had recently dumped Pi-chan for a Pikachu plushie named Francois. “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!”
As he began to make random wild animal noises for no apparent reason, he was stopped dead in his tracks. In front of him was a girl with bright pink hair with her hands on her hips. And she was TICKED.
“Naruto!” Sakura shouted loudly. This brought Naruto to a screeching halt. “Just what in the WORLD do you think you’re doing?”
“Out of my way, woman!” Naruto replied, holding up Francois. “We’re wanted men now.”
Sakura grabbed the plushie and chucked it behind her. Naruto stared in horror as Francois flew through the Nara residence’s window. A loud cry of ‘FREAKING BIRDS!’ emitted from the house.
“NO! FRANCOIS!” Naruto shrieked and reached with outstretched hands, but to no avail. He glared at Sakura. “I have met the enemy… And enemy, thy name is Sakura-chan! I won’t forget this. You can bet on that.”
Naruto performed some fake hyper ninja moves and immediately disappeared. Sakura, in a bit of a daze (but it was an angry daze), marched off to find Naruto and set him straight. And beat him profusely.
“That freaking Naruto,” Sakura muttered as she tore through many angry villagers. “What’s his problem this morning?”
As Sakura continued her hunt, Naruto felt his sugar high coming down. Curses, Naruto thought to himself. He was hiding in a trashcan near the Ichiraku Ramen shop. I’m down to my last Snickers… Better make this count. Naruto unwrapped the Snickers bar and ate it quickly. Then he waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Until finally…
“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Naruto sprung out of the trashcan like a monkey on steroids, looked left to right five times, and dashed away.
--
The flowers look prettier than usual today. Sasuke sat alone on a grassy hill, contemplating his thoughts. It was easier to think without Sakura glomping him every five seconds. The wind blew steadily across his skin, playing with his hair and tossing it every which way. He sighed and closed his eyes, allowing himself to be swept up in his own quiet solitude. It doesn’t get better than this…
Swish swish swish…
Sasuke’s nose twitched, but he ignored the rustle behind him. He turned onto his side and closed his eyes.
Swish swish…
Now he was getting aggravated. Suddenly, he felt something brush across his face.
“Whoooooooooo… Heheheh… Whoooooooooooooooo…”
“AUGH!” Sasuke cried, jumping up. He sneezed.
“Heheheh!” came a voice below him. It replied quickly, “You are no match for… THE GRASS BLADE OF DOOM!”
Sasuke stamped the ground with his foot. “Naruto! You idiot!”
The blond started talking faster and faster. “Aw, don’t say those thingsSasukeyouhurtmyfeelingsI’MLEAVINGNOWBYE!”
Naruto stood up in a flash, turned around, and dashed… Right into Sakura’s fist. Sakura emitted an angry growl of displeasure. “I finally got a hold of you, you moron! … Oh, Sasuke-kun… I’m sorry if Naruto bothered you! He’s been causing a riot all over the village!”
“Is that so?” Sasuke replied angrily, gritting his teeth. He stomped over to Naruto until they were an inch apart, face-to-face. “Listen here, you little brat…”
Naruto looked to the right.
Sasuke’s hand turned Naruto’s face back towards him. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. What---”
Naruto looked to the right.
“No, Naruto--- Gah.” Sasuke turned Naruto’s face again. “Listen. What exactly are you--- NARUTO!”
Naruto glared to the right, eyes glazed over. Sasuke moved his face again. “What the hell are you doing?”
The blond boy pointed to the right. “There’s a butterfly over there… Look at it. Flap, little wings… Flap, flap…”
Sasuke growled quietly and shoved Naruto into Sakura. “He’s all yours. I’m going home.”
“B-But… Sasuke-kun!” Sakura replied, but her crush was already fleeing the scene. She turned demonically back towards Naruto, who had begun to chase the butterfly and scream ‘Born Free’ at the top of his lungs. “That idiot…”
The pink haired girl grabbed Naruto’s arm and began to pull him away. “Get over here!”
Sakura began to drag Naruto down the street. Her mission; get Naruto to the Hokage as fast as possible. On her way down the street, she ran into a tall, tan man, his brown hair pulled back. He seemed in a hurry to find something. Or rather, someone.
“Iruka-sensei!” Sakura replied, accidentally releasing her grip on Naruto. “Are looking for something? You look lost…”
The chûnin furrowed his brow and glared above her. “Yes, actually. You wouldn’t have happened to see Naruto anywhere, would you?”
“As a matter of fact, I---” Sakura looked around. “What? He was just here!”
“I’m sure you’ve heard the commotion he’s been causing today,” Iruka replied, scratching his head. “I’d like to have a little talk with him. Maybe give him some drugs. If you see him, bring him to the Hokage as fast as you can before… Before something else happens that I get blamed for.”
“But how could you get blamed for it?” Sakura cocked her head to one side. “You’re not his sensei anymore.”
Iruka sighed. “Hokage-sama has it in for me, I think. Just… Just get him there before everyone starts bringing out the pitchforks again, alright?”
Sakura nodded slowly and watched Iruka leave. Still a little confused, Sakura turned around and began her search yet AGAIN for Naruto. A few feet away, she spotted a sight she would have rather not seen.
“Mr. Racoooooooon man… What’s with the face, dude? Geez, who spit in your Cocoa Puffs?”
“I believe that’s none of your business.”
Sakura thought some very dirty words and ran over to the scene. NOW he’s gonna get it. And I won’t be the one dealing the cruel and unusual punishment.
“Gaara!” Sakura muttered breathlessly. Why in the world was a ticked Gaara strolling around Konoha? God knows.
“Poke… Poke… I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you. IIIII’m noooooot touching yoooooou…”
“Remind me to kill you later.”
Sakura made her move, but very carefully to avoid angry, sandy wrath. “Gotcha!”
She grabbed Naruto’s arm tightly and yanked him away from Gaara. The auburn haired boy did not appreciate being poked by aggravating ADHD children.
“Um… I-I’m sorry if he was bothering you. He just doesn’t know when to…” Sakura replied as Naruto began babbling incoherently. She clocked him on the head. “… Shut up.”
Gaara gave no reply. He stared at Sakura with livid eyes. They were so full of anger and Sakura had no intention of finding out why. Naruto began to squirm uncontrollably and recite (scream) random lines from old movies.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPER!"
Trying to keep Naruto from fleeing, Sakura replied, “What are you doing in Konoha, Gaara?”
Gaara’s eyes shifted to the left. “Just… wandering.”
“Aha…” Sakura replied nervously. She began to scoot away, bringing Naruto with her. “Well… If you need anything, just… let me know… or… not…”
Sakura high-tailed it outta there faster than the speed of light.
Gaara sighed mentally as Kankuro appeared behind him. “Whoa! What was THAT about? … What’s the matter, Gaara?”
“You spit in my Cocoa Puffs this morning.”
“I told you I was sorry a million times! But you just won’t listen…” Kankuro was cut off by a heated glare from Gaara, making him quite nervous. “… And that’s okay!”
Gaara continued to walk on the road to nowhere without a sound. Gah… What a brat. Kankuro thought to himself.
--
“Alright, Naruto. Enough is enough.” The Hokage replied. He took his pipe from his lips. “Iruka told me what you’ve been up to this morning.”
Naruto, who was making faces at the old man, turned and shouted at Iruka. “I TOLD YOU YOU WERE A TATTLETALE IRUKA!”
Iruka began to bang his head on the wall.
“Anyhow, Naruto…” the Hokage paused as Naruto began parading around the room, twirling the top of his orange jumpsuit in his hand, singing ‘We Are the Champions’. “… Sigh. You really do need medication.”
A record scratched somewhere as Naruto stopped on a dime, his shirt flying out the window. His blue eyes became even bigger as he stared at the Hokage in utter shock. “WHAT?”
“That’s right, Naruto.” Iruka walked over to the hyper boy and led him over to the Hokage. “Stay here while I get your pills.”
“PILLS? WHAT!” Naruto screamed. He slammed his fist on the desk. “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I’M A HUMAN BEING!”
“Not according to everyone in Konoha.” The Hokage muttered. “According to them, you are a ‘hyperactive rabid midget monkey’, among other things.”
“WELL! I never!” Naruto shouted, crossing his arms.
The Hokage set his pipe down. “Have you ever been tested for ADHD, Naruto?”
Naruto’s brain shorted out. “What the frig does that mean?”
“Okay, I guess not.” The Hokage replied. “Your increase in hyperactive behavior has led many of us to believe you have it. Most of it is most likely due to the Kyuubi you inhibit, but this is just a precaution. Of course, what else is there to do but order a medication? That’s what most of the parents in a far away land called America do, anyway.”
“YOU’RE WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG! I’m completely sane!” Naruto shouted and began to scale the walls. “… Hahah, I’m Spiderman.”
“Here’s the Ritalin, sir,” Iruka announced as he walked in. He saw Naruto on the wall beside him. “Okay…”
“Get over here, Naruto.” The Hokage beckoned for Naruto to get off the wall and take his drugs.
“NEVER!” Naruto screamed, and ran to the other wall.
The old man sighed, feeling his arthritis act up. Iruka stood and crossed his arms. “You know, they say that ADHD is evidently over-diagnosed.”
The Hokage put a hand to his forehead. “Not this time.”
Iruka walked over and prepared to scrape his former student off the wall. On the way there, he saw a small brown wrapper lying on the floor. Curious, he bent over and picked it up. He studied the label. Snickers…?
“Hokage-sama, take a look at this.”
The Hokage took the wrapper and glared it, then at Naruto. “Well, this could explain something.”
“I’ll say.” Iruka agreed.
“Naruto. Can you explain this?” The Hokage held the wrapper up for Naruto to see.
The whiskered boy jumped from the wall and ran over to it. He sniffed it. “I’d say that’s a mighty fine candy wrapper you got there, sir.”
“Yes, that’s what I thought.” The old man put the wrapper in his desk for evidence. “Who in the world gave you Snickers bars?”
“Hmm…” Naruto pondered for a moment. “Iruka!”
“Crap. I knew I’d get blamed for this.”
“Iruka!” Old man anger was to be feared. “You gave the boy Snickers? When? How many? WHY?”
The older ninja began to bang his head on the wall again. Naruto walked up to him and patted him on the back. “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
He walked out the door nonchalantly, ready to return to his house. The sugar high was wearing off and he was out of ammo. In the meantime, the Hokage proceeded to lecture Iruka.
“… And he’s already got problems! Snickers are just adding fuel to the fire! You caused mass panic, Iruka! I thought I knew you better than that! I thought you had more sense! I taught you better, you know that! Why…”
Why? Why is it always me? Iruka thought. Why don’t you blame Kakashi for once?
“… You always knew that could happen! Why, Iruka? Why?”
“ALRIGHT! I GET IT!”
--
That night, Naruto found himself completely drained. He slumped into his bed; oblivious to the uproar he had caused that day. He now had a sugar-induced headache the size of Temari's fan. After pondering the irony of everything around him, he took some Aspirin (not Ritalin) and went to sleep like a good hyperactive child should. Who knew the chaos the next day would bring? It all depended on the ten Snickers bars he had hidden away secretly in the back of his closet.
Rating- T
Spoilers- None
Warnings- There's prolly some random OOC-ness that worked its way into it. But with a fic called Ritalin, what did you expect?
Disclaimer- Last time I checked, I didn't own Naruto. If I did, it would be really messed up. Obviously.
XD Enjoy.
---
Rain poured down from the sky. It wasn’t supposed to this fine, fine day. The weatherman clearly stated that there would be, quote, ‘bountiful amounts of GLORIOUS sunshine shining down upon our village haven’. Their first mistake was making the mistake in a village full of ninjas, the second one being calling the village a ‘haven’. Surely the problem was resolved swiftly and without a sound.
On this blurry day, Shikamaru laid upon the grass, gazing at the sky in a half-bored, half-drowsy state; as if he wasn’t really all there. Of course, the rain was kept off of himself thanks to his spiffy new umbrella. The umbrella’s handle stuck in the ground with the umbrella top open, providing wonderful, sacred dryness.
A happy bird full of berries decided to mosey it’s way into the airspace above an unsuspecting Shikamaru. The brown haired boy sighed to himself, knowing that he should be heading back home. But… it was such a long, grueling walk back…
He squinted as he peeked out from his umbrella upon hearing the bird above ‘squaaa’-ing at him. “Aaah… Shut up, up there.”
The bird didn’t take kindly to this, emitted a loud ‘SQUAAAA!’, and proceed to relieve itself on Shikamaru’s lovely ponytail.
“AAAAUGH! YOU STUPID BIRD!” Shikamaru cried out, grabbing leaves and other products of nature and attempting to scrape the bird residue off his head.
All of a sudden, walking home didn’t seem so troublesome. Shikamaru now had the sudden urge to leave very quickly. So he grabbed his umbrella, closed it, and walked away in a huff, letting the raindrops wash away the unwanted hair products he kindly received.
The day turned quickly to night, which is very convenient to the story. All of the innocent villagers of Konohagakure were in their homes, with the exception of the usual bums selling products within twenty feet of the school. Most were asleep as well, or at least getting there.
But in one special little house, sleeping was NOT happening. It looks like Grandpa Hokage threw a temper tantrum after seeing the condition of a certain someone’s house. After a fun-filled day of adventure trying to get around Naruto’s living room, the Hokage had decided he had had enough. It was time for a clean and he expected it to be done by morning.
This inspection, of course, had happened the previous morning. Naruto just conveniently ‘forgot’.
“Gah! This sucks,” Naruto complained, tossing an elephant Beanie Baby behind him. “That old fart… It’s not like HE’S living here! Why should he care? If I wanna live in my own filth, then I say more power to ME!”
Naruto threw up a rockfist, paused, then continued to dig around. Two broken radios and sixteen Beanie Babies later, he had successfully made his way to the kitchen. Naruto looked up at his Meow Mix clock. Apparently, Naruto has a mighty QVC addiction.
“Wow, a full ten minutes…” Naruto sighed, wiping nonexistent sweat off his forehead. “Time for a break!”
He immediately ran to the cupboards, looking for ramen. Finding that there was none, Naruto pouted. It was very rare he didn’t have ramen. It was as if the Hokage had gotten so frustrated that day he had ‘forgotten’ the ramen supply. Or something to that degree.
Naruto began pacing like a worried mother duck. “GAH! I NEED MY RAMEN FIX!”
He began looking under chairs, in cupboards, in the fridge, in the dirty clothes pile, ANYWHERE in the house that wasn’t so dirty the ramen would walk away on it’s own. But much to little Naruto’s dismay, there was no ramen in the house whatsoever.
“Well, crap.” Naruto muttered, gritting his teeth. He wandered over to the table and rested his chin on his hands. “There’s gotta be SOMETHING in this place… Surely the old man wouldn’t leave me to starve to death…”
--
“Hokage-sama?” a tanned man stood in front of the large wooden desk.
“Mm?” came the old man’s reply, not looking up at Iruka from the interesting grain of the desk.
“Did you remember Naruto’s food supply?”
“…” the Hokage didn’t move. There was a long pause. “… Ah…”
--
“GAAAAAAAAH! I NEED SOMETHING! ANYTHING!” Naruto cried, turning the house inside out. It seemed that this proved successful, for the blond found a bag sitting handily in the corner, just waiting to be found. “What the…? What’s this peculiar little object?”
Naruto grabbed the bag without hesitation and raised it above his head. He read the label. “‘Snickers’, eh? … Hmm…”
--
Morning had come upon the village and the villagers appeared very distracted by a little something. Iruka, being the tattletale he was, decided it might be a good idea to bring it to the Hokage’s attention.
“I’m sorry to bother you this early in the morning, Hokage-sama, but…”
“Again, Iruka? When I said ‘stop by any time’, I didn’t think you’d use this as your, how do you kids say nowadays, ‘hang out’? ‘Cool spot’? Am I getting warmer?”
Iruka chuckled slightly, trying to stay calm. “Um… T-That’s… Sorry. Actually, Hokage-sama, it seems as if we have a little problem on our hands.”
The Hokage stopped trying to be hip and replied, “Oh? And what might this little problem be?”
“Well, it’s Naruto, of course,” Iruka began, moving his hands awkwardly as he talked. “I think he should be sedated.”
--
“FLYYYYYY! FLY THROUGH THE AIR AS YOU’VE NEVER FLOWN BEFORE!” Naruto screamed, standing on top of his home. He made his left hand ‘talk’ as he spoke, and in his right he held a polka-dotted giraffe Beanie Baby named Pi-chan. “What do you want to today Pi-chan?”
Villagers were glaring up from below at the boy with mixed reactions. They didn’t know whether to laugh their heads off or be very, very afraid.
It was now Pi-chan’s time to talk. “I don’t know, Naruto! Maybe I should attack all those people down there?”
Naruto took over, making his left hand ‘talk’. “No! Bad Pi-chan! Don’t attack the nice villagers!”
The hyped-up blond boy began to laugh maniacally, waving Pi-chan in the air. When he was done, he tried to stop giggling and began to shout. “Good morning villagers of Konoha! This is Uzumaki Naruto saying kiss my arse!”
After flipping the entire village the bird (and receiving a huge gasp from the villagers), Naruto jumped off the back of the house. He paused, laughed maniacally for a few seconds, and dashed away.
The front of the house was in an uproar. Back at the Hokage HQ window, Iruka held his head in his hands and the Hokage stared in awe as he smoked his crackpipe.
Iruka sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m terribly sorry you had to see that.”
The Hokage glared out the window without saying a word.
--
Meanwhile, on the mean streets of Konoha, Naruto was running as quick as he could to get away from screaming, bloodthirsty villagers. His plan was short-lived, however.
“NO! BACK, YOU ANIMALS!” Naruto shrieked. He had recently dumped Pi-chan for a Pikachu plushie named Francois. “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!”
As he began to make random wild animal noises for no apparent reason, he was stopped dead in his tracks. In front of him was a girl with bright pink hair with her hands on her hips. And she was TICKED.
“Naruto!” Sakura shouted loudly. This brought Naruto to a screeching halt. “Just what in the WORLD do you think you’re doing?”
“Out of my way, woman!” Naruto replied, holding up Francois. “We’re wanted men now.”
Sakura grabbed the plushie and chucked it behind her. Naruto stared in horror as Francois flew through the Nara residence’s window. A loud cry of ‘FREAKING BIRDS!’ emitted from the house.
“NO! FRANCOIS!” Naruto shrieked and reached with outstretched hands, but to no avail. He glared at Sakura. “I have met the enemy… And enemy, thy name is Sakura-chan! I won’t forget this. You can bet on that.”
Naruto performed some fake hyper ninja moves and immediately disappeared. Sakura, in a bit of a daze (but it was an angry daze), marched off to find Naruto and set him straight. And beat him profusely.
“That freaking Naruto,” Sakura muttered as she tore through many angry villagers. “What’s his problem this morning?”
As Sakura continued her hunt, Naruto felt his sugar high coming down. Curses, Naruto thought to himself. He was hiding in a trashcan near the Ichiraku Ramen shop. I’m down to my last Snickers… Better make this count. Naruto unwrapped the Snickers bar and ate it quickly. Then he waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Until finally…
“BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Naruto sprung out of the trashcan like a monkey on steroids, looked left to right five times, and dashed away.
--
The flowers look prettier than usual today. Sasuke sat alone on a grassy hill, contemplating his thoughts. It was easier to think without Sakura glomping him every five seconds. The wind blew steadily across his skin, playing with his hair and tossing it every which way. He sighed and closed his eyes, allowing himself to be swept up in his own quiet solitude. It doesn’t get better than this…
Swish swish swish…
Sasuke’s nose twitched, but he ignored the rustle behind him. He turned onto his side and closed his eyes.
Swish swish…
Now he was getting aggravated. Suddenly, he felt something brush across his face.
“Whoooooooooo… Heheheh… Whoooooooooooooooo…”
“AUGH!” Sasuke cried, jumping up. He sneezed.
“Heheheh!” came a voice below him. It replied quickly, “You are no match for… THE GRASS BLADE OF DOOM!”
Sasuke stamped the ground with his foot. “Naruto! You idiot!”
The blond started talking faster and faster. “Aw, don’t say those thingsSasukeyouhurtmyfeelingsI’MLEAVINGNOWBYE!”
Naruto stood up in a flash, turned around, and dashed… Right into Sakura’s fist. Sakura emitted an angry growl of displeasure. “I finally got a hold of you, you moron! … Oh, Sasuke-kun… I’m sorry if Naruto bothered you! He’s been causing a riot all over the village!”
“Is that so?” Sasuke replied angrily, gritting his teeth. He stomped over to Naruto until they were an inch apart, face-to-face. “Listen here, you little brat…”
Naruto looked to the right.
Sasuke’s hand turned Naruto’s face back towards him. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. What---”
Naruto looked to the right.
“No, Naruto--- Gah.” Sasuke turned Naruto’s face again. “Listen. What exactly are you--- NARUTO!”
Naruto glared to the right, eyes glazed over. Sasuke moved his face again. “What the hell are you doing?”
The blond boy pointed to the right. “There’s a butterfly over there… Look at it. Flap, little wings… Flap, flap…”
Sasuke growled quietly and shoved Naruto into Sakura. “He’s all yours. I’m going home.”
“B-But… Sasuke-kun!” Sakura replied, but her crush was already fleeing the scene. She turned demonically back towards Naruto, who had begun to chase the butterfly and scream ‘Born Free’ at the top of his lungs. “That idiot…”
The pink haired girl grabbed Naruto’s arm and began to pull him away. “Get over here!”
Sakura began to drag Naruto down the street. Her mission; get Naruto to the Hokage as fast as possible. On her way down the street, she ran into a tall, tan man, his brown hair pulled back. He seemed in a hurry to find something. Or rather, someone.
“Iruka-sensei!” Sakura replied, accidentally releasing her grip on Naruto. “Are looking for something? You look lost…”
The chûnin furrowed his brow and glared above her. “Yes, actually. You wouldn’t have happened to see Naruto anywhere, would you?”
“As a matter of fact, I---” Sakura looked around. “What? He was just here!”
“I’m sure you’ve heard the commotion he’s been causing today,” Iruka replied, scratching his head. “I’d like to have a little talk with him. Maybe give him some drugs. If you see him, bring him to the Hokage as fast as you can before… Before something else happens that I get blamed for.”
“But how could you get blamed for it?” Sakura cocked her head to one side. “You’re not his sensei anymore.”
Iruka sighed. “Hokage-sama has it in for me, I think. Just… Just get him there before everyone starts bringing out the pitchforks again, alright?”
Sakura nodded slowly and watched Iruka leave. Still a little confused, Sakura turned around and began her search yet AGAIN for Naruto. A few feet away, she spotted a sight she would have rather not seen.
“Mr. Racoooooooon man… What’s with the face, dude? Geez, who spit in your Cocoa Puffs?”
“I believe that’s none of your business.”
Sakura thought some very dirty words and ran over to the scene. NOW he’s gonna get it. And I won’t be the one dealing the cruel and unusual punishment.
“Gaara!” Sakura muttered breathlessly. Why in the world was a ticked Gaara strolling around Konoha? God knows.
“Poke… Poke… I’m not touching you. I’m not touching you. IIIII’m noooooot touching yoooooou…”
“Remind me to kill you later.”
Sakura made her move, but very carefully to avoid angry, sandy wrath. “Gotcha!”
She grabbed Naruto’s arm tightly and yanked him away from Gaara. The auburn haired boy did not appreciate being poked by aggravating ADHD children.
“Um… I-I’m sorry if he was bothering you. He just doesn’t know when to…” Sakura replied as Naruto began babbling incoherently. She clocked him on the head. “… Shut up.”
Gaara gave no reply. He stared at Sakura with livid eyes. They were so full of anger and Sakura had no intention of finding out why. Naruto began to squirm uncontrollably and recite (scream) random lines from old movies.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPER!"
Trying to keep Naruto from fleeing, Sakura replied, “What are you doing in Konoha, Gaara?”
Gaara’s eyes shifted to the left. “Just… wandering.”
“Aha…” Sakura replied nervously. She began to scoot away, bringing Naruto with her. “Well… If you need anything, just… let me know… or… not…”
Sakura high-tailed it outta there faster than the speed of light.
Gaara sighed mentally as Kankuro appeared behind him. “Whoa! What was THAT about? … What’s the matter, Gaara?”
“You spit in my Cocoa Puffs this morning.”
“I told you I was sorry a million times! But you just won’t listen…” Kankuro was cut off by a heated glare from Gaara, making him quite nervous. “… And that’s okay!”
Gaara continued to walk on the road to nowhere without a sound. Gah… What a brat. Kankuro thought to himself.
--
“Alright, Naruto. Enough is enough.” The Hokage replied. He took his pipe from his lips. “Iruka told me what you’ve been up to this morning.”
Naruto, who was making faces at the old man, turned and shouted at Iruka. “I TOLD YOU YOU WERE A TATTLETALE IRUKA!”
Iruka began to bang his head on the wall.
“Anyhow, Naruto…” the Hokage paused as Naruto began parading around the room, twirling the top of his orange jumpsuit in his hand, singing ‘We Are the Champions’. “… Sigh. You really do need medication.”
A record scratched somewhere as Naruto stopped on a dime, his shirt flying out the window. His blue eyes became even bigger as he stared at the Hokage in utter shock. “WHAT?”
“That’s right, Naruto.” Iruka walked over to the hyper boy and led him over to the Hokage. “Stay here while I get your pills.”
“PILLS? WHAT!” Naruto screamed. He slammed his fist on the desk. “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I’M A HUMAN BEING!”
“Not according to everyone in Konoha.” The Hokage muttered. “According to them, you are a ‘hyperactive rabid midget monkey’, among other things.”
“WELL! I never!” Naruto shouted, crossing his arms.
The Hokage set his pipe down. “Have you ever been tested for ADHD, Naruto?”
Naruto’s brain shorted out. “What the frig does that mean?”
“Okay, I guess not.” The Hokage replied. “Your increase in hyperactive behavior has led many of us to believe you have it. Most of it is most likely due to the Kyuubi you inhibit, but this is just a precaution. Of course, what else is there to do but order a medication? That’s what most of the parents in a far away land called America do, anyway.”
“YOU’RE WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG! I’m completely sane!” Naruto shouted and began to scale the walls. “… Hahah, I’m Spiderman.”
“Here’s the Ritalin, sir,” Iruka announced as he walked in. He saw Naruto on the wall beside him. “Okay…”
“Get over here, Naruto.” The Hokage beckoned for Naruto to get off the wall and take his drugs.
“NEVER!” Naruto screamed, and ran to the other wall.
The old man sighed, feeling his arthritis act up. Iruka stood and crossed his arms. “You know, they say that ADHD is evidently over-diagnosed.”
The Hokage put a hand to his forehead. “Not this time.”
Iruka walked over and prepared to scrape his former student off the wall. On the way there, he saw a small brown wrapper lying on the floor. Curious, he bent over and picked it up. He studied the label. Snickers…?
“Hokage-sama, take a look at this.”
The Hokage took the wrapper and glared it, then at Naruto. “Well, this could explain something.”
“I’ll say.” Iruka agreed.
“Naruto. Can you explain this?” The Hokage held the wrapper up for Naruto to see.
The whiskered boy jumped from the wall and ran over to it. He sniffed it. “I’d say that’s a mighty fine candy wrapper you got there, sir.”
“Yes, that’s what I thought.” The old man put the wrapper in his desk for evidence. “Who in the world gave you Snickers bars?”
“Hmm…” Naruto pondered for a moment. “Iruka!”
“Crap. I knew I’d get blamed for this.”
“Iruka!” Old man anger was to be feared. “You gave the boy Snickers? When? How many? WHY?”
The older ninja began to bang his head on the wall again. Naruto walked up to him and patted him on the back. “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
He walked out the door nonchalantly, ready to return to his house. The sugar high was wearing off and he was out of ammo. In the meantime, the Hokage proceeded to lecture Iruka.
“… And he’s already got problems! Snickers are just adding fuel to the fire! You caused mass panic, Iruka! I thought I knew you better than that! I thought you had more sense! I taught you better, you know that! Why…”
Why? Why is it always me? Iruka thought. Why don’t you blame Kakashi for once?
“… You always knew that could happen! Why, Iruka? Why?”
“ALRIGHT! I GET IT!”
--
That night, Naruto found himself completely drained. He slumped into his bed; oblivious to the uproar he had caused that day. He now had a sugar-induced headache the size of Temari's fan. After pondering the irony of everything around him, he took some Aspirin (not Ritalin) and went to sleep like a good hyperactive child should. Who knew the chaos the next day would bring? It all depended on the ten Snickers bars he had hidden away secretly in the back of his closet.
