Indeed, Indeed

[Ravendust]

This poem is pretty awful, but I wanted to try and this is what I got...


Indeed, indeed,
It is a sad sight to concieve,
First one fell,
Then another,
Leaving only the straggler behind.

Indeed, indeed,
He stood his ground well firm,
Protected his home,
Protected his land,
Protected what he had need.

Indeed, indeed,
He did fall fast,
Leaving naught a trace,
A trace of his strong will,
A trace of his existance,
That made naught a difference.

Indeed, indeed,
His death inspired the rest,
We stood so firm,
'tween the path of death and home,
'tween the path of heaven and h*ll,
We stood with shaking knees and sweaty brows,
Uncertain of who would live or die.

Indeed, indeed,
The battle that day was won,
We fought them back,
And gained what had been lost,
And gained back what little else there was,
We fought them off,
Those who would have burned and pillaged,
Those who would have raped and murdered,
Those who would have stolen our freedoms 'way.

Indeed, indeed,
That day has long since passed,
That day has taken so many,
Yet we still fight on,
Protecting our ways,
Protecting our homes,
Indeed, indeed we still fight on.


So, what are your thoughts?

[Meluivan Indil]

Oh I love it, raven. Exatly what I would think of when thinking of patriotism. You did an awesome job. I especially like this part.

'tween the path of death and home,
'tween the path of heaven and h*ll,
We stood with shaking knees and sweaty brows,
Uncertain of who would live or die.

M.

[Ravendust]

Thanks M ^_^ I had a friend read over it to tell me if it sounded patriotic.

[Anime Monster]

Pretty good, Raven.

[Lady Idril]

Beautiful, Raven You're so very good at poetry. It exudes patriotism. Brava

[Ravendust]

Heh, thanks ^_^ I only started writing poetry about a year and a half ago... and I guess it's not going too badly...