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Half
Mar 1, 2006 23:25:17 GMT -5
Post by Anime Monster on Mar 1, 2006 23:25:17 GMT -5
I like them, especially our dear narrator. Personally I'm sitting on the balls of my feet eager to read more. I want the answers to the questions, how come he's a half demon/half angel if angels and demons are mortal enemies. Who is this high ranking angel? How does he effect the story...besides keeping the narrator alive? (the narrator is name Star, right, you have to keep reminding us or we'll forget).
And yes, I was half dead when writing my last review.
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Half
Mar 2, 2006 22:22:36 GMT -5
Post by alanna on Mar 2, 2006 22:22:36 GMT -5
Ok i don't have neough time to Beta this. M, Anime if you help we could fix up everything PLEASE HELP. I only get like half an hour at school and i have to look at the gremlins and also everywhere ealse PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP/.
Me this is really good i love the description there are a few mistakes but they will be fixed soon
I REALLY LIKE IT!! LUV AL
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Half
Mar 3, 2006 0:55:50 GMT -5
Post by Meluivan Indil on Mar 3, 2006 0:55:50 GMT -5
Um al did me ask you to beta this? I think I missed it. If she did I'd be happy to help.
M.
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me
Forum Newbie
Yeah Hikaru and Kaoru!
Posts: 48
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Half
Mar 3, 2006 15:49:13 GMT -5
Post by me on Mar 3, 2006 15:49:13 GMT -5
... well if you have any spare time or if you're really bored... would you be able to beta it M?... please....
Chapter 3
The first thing I felt from emerging from the warm and comforting blackness of unconsciousness was the aching pain running down the muscles of my legs. As the nerves in my body started to work again the pain grew and the cold struck me. I came to the conclusion I was wearing less clothes then I had started with. I opened my eyes a slit hoping not to be noticed so I could get an idea of my surroundings, but this didn’t work as I found I was upside down which caused me to jolt slightly. “Well, he's awake so we can begin the lesson.” I recognised the voice of the angel who had “saved” me. I should have guessed by the fact he didn’t ram a sword through my gut, that he wasn’t a guardian angel, just a teacher to new angels. I looked at what I would land on if I fell. Much to my disgust there was a tank below me filled with a clear liquid which I must assume was holy water. I’m not strongly allergic to holy water like most demons. As long as it doesn’t get inside me I’m ok, but don’t let this fool you though; I’m dead if they dunk me in. The water will go up my nose causing excruciating pain making me likely to open my mouth and scream. Then the water will get in my mouth filling my lungs. It’s a messy death which I don’t want to go through. Therefore I’m willing to stoop as low as possible to get out of this predicament I’m in.
I check out my state of clothing. I'm stripped apart from my boxers which would have been removed if not for my trusty tail which wrapped itself tightly round them… Angels are perverts it’s a well know fact. “Remember how you guys were joking around about what kind of freaky kids a demon and an angel would have… Well I found you one.” There was a hushed silence followed by a lot of giggling and slight jeering. “OH MY GO…SH. You mean there are actually half demons, half angels out there? How do you know he is” I managed to twist myself round to look at the group which strangely fell into a hush and took a step back when my gaze reaches them. “Careful with your language Hanyla and I can tell with the obvious gorging you eyes out indicators. Notice the angel wings,” he gave my wings a tug. “And demon tail.” He thought better then to tug at my tail. “Do all demons have tails?” One of the group asked curiously. “Of coarse we do, haven’t you ever heard the saying, a demons best friend is a tail. They come in very useful, you’re never lonely when you have a tail if you get what I mean.” I gave them a suggestive wink and by the way they all blushed and giggled like little school girls I assumed they understood me. My head was pulled round roughly by my hair so I was looking at the leading angel. “Let me assure you that they don’t get in any shape or form.” Though he was trying to be threatening, the smirk left by my remark removed the seriousness. “I’m trying to save them and you’re not helping. If you hadn’t notice they’re all boys, so flirting with them is illegal until they have learnt the loophole which gives them a good enough reason to partake in homosexual activity.” “But you know the loop hole right.” I gave him my best seductive look, which is hard as I’m upside down. The trainees who had quietened down to listen in to the conversation whistled and whooped ecstatically. The angel gave an exaggerated sigh and pushed me away. “You're not planning to kill me are you?” “Well what else am I going to do? Let you go with a cookie and a pat on the head. No, I’m gonna watch your guts spontaneously combust and laugh as you burn from the inside out before urinating on your ashes.” This guy was harsh, but it added to the effect I was after. I let out a small sob, which caused most of the trainee angels to let out a gasp of sympathy. “Couldn’t we keep him as a pet, Kio? Then we wouldn't have to kill him.” A young blond angel attached himself to his leader, who was pulling the ‘I don’t believe my luck I got a bunch of idiots to teach.’ “We would look after him and he wouldn’t be too much of a bother. He's really thin so he obviously doesn’t eat to too much. He’d be good. Please, please, please!” “This is stupid. Angels don’t keep demons as pets.” He did his best to shove his pupil off of him but wasn’t succeeding, possible due to the fact he didn’t want to hurt him. “Yeah they do. You said that the Archangels some times enslaved demons to do their biddings, etc.” The Angel looked up at Kio innocently with maybe a hint of seduction at the angle I was, I couldn’t really tell. “Archangels are slightly different, they’re more…” “Perverted as they can basically get away with what ever they like so the demons involved are more like toys then slaves.” I kindly finished the sentence for him; I smirked at the sour face he pulled. “Powerful and capable to keep a demon in line, I was going to say” Kio glared, “I hate to admit it, but the only reason I managed to get him here was the fact that he was already injured.” “But if he’s half angel wouldn’t that make him partly good as well, so isn’t it our duty as angels to make him good? You know convert him,” he begged with muttering from the group behind him and nods of agreement. “You’re not going to shut up about this are you…” Kio thought for awhile, “Okay, have it your way for now. You lot scram and I’ll cut him down.” This comment was followed by the sound of rushing of bodies speeding out of the room. I felt myself being yanked until the vat of holy water was no longer below me. I dropped suddenly and painfully on to the concrete floor. “Try anything and die demon. They’ll get bored of you soon and when they do… my blade will be skinning you.”
i'll remind you all of his name in chapter 4. you learn more about Kio too.
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Half
Mar 3, 2006 16:46:59 GMT -5
Post by Meluivan Indil on Mar 3, 2006 16:46:59 GMT -5
I don't mind Betaing it at all me. I'm not perfect, but I can clean it up a little if you'd like. But it will have to wait till Monday. My husband just started a job working out of town and he'll be home in about an hour for the weekend. I want to spend time with him while he's home.
But I promise first thing Monday, or if I get bored in the middle of the night while he sleeps it will be sooner. That is a possiblility. I don't sleep much.
I'll just modify your posts with the beta'd version and if you don't like what I do, you can change it. But I promise I won't change any of the actual story, just correct spelling, grammar, and paragraph setup. How's that sound?
M.
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Half
Mar 4, 2006 15:56:27 GMT -5
Post by Anime Monster on Mar 4, 2006 15:56:27 GMT -5
If you ever need help I'll volunteer to. I've done betaing before...
Also, wonderful chapter. I loved it. He's got such a cynical, yet, playful personality. It almost seems that he's got multiple personalities at times...perverted angels...now that's something.
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Half
Mar 4, 2006 18:25:17 GMT -5
Post by alanna on Mar 4, 2006 18:25:17 GMT -5
PERVERTED ANGELS I LOVE IT split personalities EVEN BETTER. seducing and angel THE BEST. i like this a lot ME it is well written and the grammer and spelling and stuff seems to be getting less. LUV AL
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