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Post by Recommended on Aug 17, 2006 12:47:38 GMT -5
Disclaimer: We do not own the Phantom of the Opera… maybe if we did, our friends wouldn’t ridicule our “phanphiction”!
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Part VIII
From: divalady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny .net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: Your Darling “Star”
Don’t bother hunting down the Opera Ghost, because I am the one who is holding your Christine captive. You will not get her back until you agree to my list of demands:
- La Carlotta will receive the lead role in every opera
- One thousand francs will be spent each year on publicity for La Carlotta
- La Carlotta will get a large raise
- La Carlotta will get a personal hair stylist, manicurist, and fashion designer… like little pets…
- You will tell everyone you know the following message: “La Carlotta is the bestest singer ever!”
Further demands will be made if you make this transaction a difficult one. You have been warned!1!11!
“Superior Singer”
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny .net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: Christine Daaé
Dear all,
Thank you for the lack of help in finding our leading star. However, we are pleased to announce that we have recovered her safely. Unfortunately, we have realized that her voice isn’t actually all that nice, and are demoting her from the leading soprano position. La Carlotta, the most wonderful singer the world has ever known, will resume the position which was wrongly taken from her.
We admit, the only reason we cast Mlle Daaé was due to our patron, le Vicomte de Chagny’s urging. It has recently come to light that she has been… uh… entertaining him personally as well as onstage, and thus doesn’t actually possess the ability to be the lead.
Your Managers,
Andre & Firmin
“I had a dream.. such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more…”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: Christine Daaé
My darling Christine,
I cannot believe you would betray me! I thought I had finally found someone to love me… yeah, so you called me a psychopath and claimed to despise me until the end of eternity, big deal… women always say the opposite of what they mean…
I am truly hurt by your actions… you and the fop… it’s just so wrong!
However, I do not care. Since nowhe cannot help further your career, whereas I can, I do hope that you will see it is best for you to return to me, your teacher, protector, guardian, stalker, er… I didn’t mean that…
-Your Angel of Music
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny .net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: FW: Christine Daaé
Dear gods, such slander! I must make it clear that there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, going on between Mlle Daaé and I. I am shocked and insulted that you would even think such a thing!
le Vicomte de Chagny (who is not about to marry a common chorus girl)
“I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!”
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From: frozenexpression (at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink (at)dechagny. net
Subject: RE: FW: Christine Daaé
Raoul! What do you mean? Do you not love me anymore? Do you not wish to marry me anymore? Whatever are you talking about? Ohh.. I am so dreadfully confused! Perhaps I shall ask my Angel of Music about this… he’s sure to have an answer for me!
-Christine
“…angel of music…”
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: divalady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: Christine Daaé
There, worded just like you asked. Good?
-A&F
“I had a dream.. such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more…”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Auditions
Hello my pretties.. umm.. I mean, dear all:
As you know, we shall be performing Faust for the next opera. I have temporarily suspended La Sorelli for getting drunk and sneaking out with a certain Comte, who shall remain unnamed, during the performance of Il Muto, so she will not be dancing the lead.
Whoever feels that she, or he, can dance the part should come tomorrow evening for try-outs. Please bring your own dancewear, as the last time I lent out things.. well, it was just not pretty.
-Mme Giry, aka Dancer Extraordinaire
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny .net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: Exciting Opportunity For Star-Gazing!
Dear all,
We are very thrilled to announce that a meteor shower is approaching and will make a spectacular sight in the night sky tomorrow night! We encourage all of you to join us in witnessing this extraordinary phenomenon! Also, as a courtesy to all night-time stargazers, we respectfully request that you close your shutters when turning on indoor lights to avoid light pollution. With your help, we can all have a wonderful night of meteor-watching!
Luv,
Andre and Firmin
“I had a dream.. such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more…”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: A Proposal
I know we have had many… differences of opinion… in the past, but I must admit, Monsieur, that you do have a talent for programming viruses. One wonders if you picked that up at beauty school, as well. Anyway, I would like to propose a collaboration of sorts. Normally I would never consider even a temporary truce, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My inbox is suffocating under the weight of those bumbling “managers”’ emails.
If you are willing to join me in a mission to shut down Andre and Firmin’s mass-emailing hobby, meet me in Box 8 (since there is now a nauseating raspberry conditioner smell in Box 5… although, your hair’s much less frizzy now; I must commend you) at 20:00 tonight. This is O.G., over and out.
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind…”
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From: bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
To: prettypirouettes(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Apologies
My darling Sori,
I’m so so so so sorry for getting you into trouble! As an expression of my regret, I have written you the following poem, I do hope it is angsty enough for the occasion:
I
Am so
Sorry; my sorrow,
Like, it bleeds
Crimson!(one!1!1!)
But really, if they’re going to suspend you despite your obvious talent, I think you shouldn’t bother to stick with them. Come marry me! I’ll take you to Rome! You can sing at a real opera house there!
Lovingly,
Philippe
“Everybody loves a well-educated man!”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Your audition
Dear Mlle Daaé,
Thank you for taking the time to try out last night. However, as I feel that the Prima Ballerina should at least know the basic ballet steps, I cannot cast you in the lead.
Do not take this as a rejection, although, if you want to be technical about it… it is. You see, just because you’re cast as one of the dozen simpering maids does not say any less about your dancing abilities. It is rather that I believe you will learn and experience more from that role…
Ookay.. even Meg, poor naïve girl, wouldn’t buy that… so yes, I think you suck, and should just stick to singing.
Mme. Giry
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: ProNotes (tm)
Dear, fabulous peeps,
We have recently discovered a delightful new Internet gadget, ProNotes. com! It allows you to send anonymous messages to your fellow friends and family :-)
So, when you’re not sleeping, eating, busy with rehearsals, running off with rich nobles, or “visiting” deformed musical geniuses, we ask you to please go to their website, and write a couple of uplifting, cheery, spunky, and generally peppy notes to other members of our blossoming community.
Luv,
Andre and Firmin
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Authors’ Note: Review, or else Philippe will write you a love poem! Anyways, next chapter shall be another special feature, featuring various ProNotes from our beloved characters. So, for every review we get, we'll write one ProNote; sound fair? (And it doesn't count to send us spam reviews! Although.. we do -heart- spam...)
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Post by Recommended on Aug 17, 2006 13:33:58 GMT -5
Authors’ Note: For those of you unfamiliar with the phenomenon of the ProNote, one usually writes an anonymous note praising another person or telling them something uplifting. It sounds okay in theory, but then comes the time when you get the notes written to you and spend some time obsessed with finding out who wrote you that weird one and signed it “Guess Who!” No, we’re not bitter at all. Anyway, we digitalized it for use in this special.
Disclaimer: We do not own (a) Phantom of the Opera, (b) the general idea of ProNotes, (c) Gerik, (d) a bottle of Vicomte Beautiful shampoo (really! We swear! Of course that isn’t Mango-Eucalyptus Breeze you smell!), or (e) the entire universe. But we’re working on the last one. (And author #1's working on that third item.)
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Part IX
From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Christine, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
Hey sweetie! Honey-buns! Pookie-toodles!
I miss u… you’ve been gone an awfully long time for your “voice lesson”…
I’m beginning to think you don’t wuv me anymore… :-(
Bundles of Luvs,
Guess whooo…
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Erik, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
Monsieur le Fantôme,
Know that you are not alone, and very, very loved.
I, for one, am hopelessly in love with you…
Would you please take me away from this dreaded opera house and down to your dungeons below? Pretty please?
Wuvs from,
Your secret lovah
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Raoul, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
Vicomte Fop,
I must admit, under much duress, that… well… okay, I like your hair. A lot.
Will you please send me a sample of your Vicomte Beautiful products?
I have a feeling my darling young protégé will appreciate a lavender smell more than a dingy muskrat scent. You may leave them in Box 5.
-Your Potential Customer
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Meg, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
Hey gurlfreind!
Congratz on gettin teh lead in Faust! Lyk, tats sooooo kewl! Oh-em-gee, el-oh-el, lyk, ur gonna get 2 were tat realy kewl dress!1!1!1!11 R u exited 4 rehersale? Dun wori, u’ll b amasine on staig!
From,
Gues whoo!
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: divalady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Obvious Problems!
Managers,
I am writing to inform you that clearly there are some major problems with your recommended ProNotes site. Their service must not be working properly at all, since they have neglected to register any ProNotes directed towards me. As I am the world-renowned and widely admired star of your opera house, I imagine that hundreds of ProNotes have sadly failed to be delivered to my inbox. Hurry and fix this problem. My personal secretary grows bored waiting for more fan mail to answer.
-La Carlotta
P.S.: Should this problem continue for much longer, I will be forced to contemplate resigning from your latest opera.
“Superior Singer”
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: divalady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear La Carlotta, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
La Carlotta, diva, wonder of the stage,
How much we appreciate your angelic singing! It has brought thousands to our opera house. Truly, you are to thank for our prosperity and the opera’s “populaire-ity” (Ha! Ha! We crack ourselves up sometimes). We beg of you to continue gracing us with your beautiful presence.
From,
yet more of your devoted admirers
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: overlooked(at)persiansrus. net
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Nadir, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
My dearest Stage Hand,
I have often watched you at work and noticed how wonderfully prepared you are. My respect for you only increased when I saw the wonderful craftsmanship of your rugs. Even your mass emails have become endearing to me.
Nadir, I am not a brave enough woman to tell you who I am, but I want you to know that you are not entirely overlooked.
Luvvies from,
Your Secret Admirer
P.S.: You also have a cute butt.
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: prettypirouettes(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear La Sorelli, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
Sori, dearest, light of my life,
I expect that you won’t be able to tell who this ProNote is from, considering how sneaky I have been. Don’t be alarmed, I only wish you well. Here is a poem for you, my buttercup:
S is for her shining smile
O is for her ornery side, endearing as always,
R is for her rambunctious nature
E is for her effervescence
L is for her lovely leaps
L is also for her luminescent charms
I is for her image, always beautiful
Lurve from someone… you probably won’t know who…
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: prettypirouettes(at)operapopulaire. com
To: bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: “Sneaky” Anonymous ProNote
O RLY?
"Coupé, coupé, jeté, jeté, assemblé!"
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Erik, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
My dear teacher, master, the love of my life…
Yes, I have realized, finally, that I am completely, head over heels in luv with you. I don’t know when it hit me, but I do think it has something to do with a whiff of your new shampoo… it’s simply delightful!
Love,
Your obedient student
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Raoul, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
My most esteemed Vicomte,
That sample of your newest conditioner is, in a word, sublime.
I must congratulate you on that light, lavender scent. It is most heavenly. My soon-to-be fiancée agrees. She was so pleasantly shocked by it that her expression changed, if only for half a second, before resuming its normal condition. I do hope this is a sign that she is finally warming up to me!
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: New ProNote!
Darling Lotte,
I know I am extremely paranoid, overly protective, probably overreacting, and a little psycho.. er.. ignore that last bit..
But really, would you happen to know who this future fiancée is that OG is referring to? I thought for a moment, forgive me for my presumptuousness, that it was you, I immediately realized that it can’t possibly be, for you are engaged to me, the prettiest nobleman Paris has ever seen.
Regardless, I am still rather curious.. Perhaps he loves another woman?
Luvs,
Raoulsies
“I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: FW: New ProNote!
Oh Erik!
Is ‘t possible? Are you truly in love with another woman? Is that why you’re starting to use aftershave? And comb your wig? And darn your socks? Say it ain’t so!
Ohh.. I would simply die without you.. perhaps land myself in a mental institution.. do you really want to be responsible for that? I can’t believe you would do something like this to me, you cheating B*st*rd!
Lovingly yours,
Christine
“…angel of music…”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: FW: FW: New ProNote!
Christine,
Must I have such an excuse to want to look purty sometimes? Honestly, you opera singers, always overreacting! Say one little thing and they start warbling songs about weeping willows…
That aside, dear Christine, the sentiments I have expressed on occasions in the past are, as ever, still true. I could never love another, for you are my only obsession- I mean, soulmate!
“Luvs and hugs,” as they say,
Your Angel of Music
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind…”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: RE: FW: FW: New ProNote!
Meg,
Oh no, oh no, oh noes! What should I do? He says he still lurves me, but the things he said about overreacting… do you think he’s hiding something? I bet he’s having an affair with another singer! Did you see how he talked about “opera singers”? Meg, what should I do?
Should I stay with Raoul? I know he loves me almost as much as his hair, but…
O! I would be desolate without my cutey-patootie cuddlebuns- I mean, um, my esteemed teacher! I shall stay as a student to him, for sure… I won’t let this other woman tear us apart!1! I am stronger than that! I am a soprano! If all else fails, I can always sing a high, high, high G until all the glass in his lair breaks. Wait, does he have any glass?
Meg, my friend and confidante, what should I do?
Luvies from,
Christine
“…angel of music…”
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From: message(at)pronotes. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: New ProNote!
Dear Erik, someone has left the following ProNote for you:
Opera Ghost,
I have to admit that I am feeling a bit disillusioned—I always thought you were the strong, silent type, but a recent email has given me a glimpse of a side of you I didn’t know existed. I had no idea you were such a wimp- I mean, a total romantic. And what are these rumors I have been hearing about a contract for shampoo commercials?
- your local POPUT representative
P.S.: If things don’t work out with you-know-who, I suppose there is always room in my life for a sensitive man…
Disclaimer: We at ProNotes (tm) are not responsible for the content of any ProNotes we may transfer. Do not sue. Please.
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Authors’ Notes: Well, the chapter may be a bit late, but there is plenty of it! I think we have a record word count. Also, thank you lovely people for giving us 100+ reviews! No, really you’re great. Give yourselves a round of applause. Go on. Do it. And review while you’re at it!
PS. Bonus points to all who gets the Othello references (there are 2)!
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Post by Recommended on Aug 19, 2006 14:54:44 GMT -5
Disclaimer: Still not ours. What a shocker!
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Part X
From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: April Snow!
Dear all,
We have been, as we’re sure you have been as well, pleasantly surprised by the furry of snow on the first day of April this year. As a joyous celebration of this event, we ask you all to complete this following sentence and express your hope for the year to come.
April snow brings: muchos dineros!
A&F
“I had a dream.. such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more…”
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From: divalady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: April Snow!
April snow brings: adoring fans.
“Superior Singer”
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: RE: April Snow!
Kewl! Ths looks lyk funn!
April snow brings: drop-dead gorgeous musical geniuses!
-Megsies
PS, La Carlotta, can you stand to be a little less dull sometimes? The predictability… it burnses…
“Cute and cloned since 1854!”
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From: prettypirouettes(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Heyy.. dudette.. watch your typing there.. I sure hope you’re not cloned.. although, that would explain a lot.
April snow brings: handsome Comtes. -swoon-
"Coupé, coupé, jeté, jeté, assemblé!"
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
CC: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net;
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
No no, dear La Sorelli, you’ve got it all wrong…
April snow brings: handsome Vicomtes.
Yes, Raoul and I must confess. We have been harboring secret passions for each other ever since we started our virus war. It’s quite obvious now, we hope, that that was just blatant flirting. Our love/hate relationship has finally moved out of the “hate” zone, and we feel nothing but love for each other. We hope that you will understand.
PS. Christine and Meg, you two should get together sometime.
No thoughts in my head but thoughts of love!
-Erik, formerly OG.
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net;
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
April snow brings: lunatics with lavender-scented hair.
‘Tis true. Erik and I are soulmates. And Meg, dear, keep your hands off my psychopath!
-Raoul
“I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
To: blondeballetrat(at)operappopulaire. com
Subject: FW: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Eeeeeeek! Did you know about this! Oh.. my Erik! My Raoul! How can they do this to me? Ohh.. whatever shall I do? I knew that there was something wrong with Raoul.. I think it’s the way he kisses… but Erik..? He’s such a manly-man!
-Chrissie
“…angel of music…”
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operappopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
Subject: RE: FW: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Lyk, oh-em-gee.. I know! I was such a devoted gurlferind, too. I mean, u were kinda playing them both, so it’s understandable if they got tired of u… but me!1/1?1 This is sooooooo not fair!1!1!1!1
-Meg
“Cute and blonde since 1854!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: FW: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Raoul!
Look here, buster. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but Erik’s mine! Got it?
I thought you loved me! How can you do such a thing as to steal my beloved away from me?1?1 Really, you’re such a prissy fop that I’m surprised he would settle for someone like you.
-Mlle Daaé
PS. I tried your shampoo. It doesn’t even smell good!
“…angel of music…you denied me…”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
Subject: RE: FW: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Heh. Don’t hate me cuz I’m beautiful. Hate me cuz your ex-boyfriend thinks so too!
And it’s “Monsieur Vicomte” to you!
PS. You’re just jealous cuz your hair doesn’t smell like bubblegum!
“I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
April snow brings: strong sopranos who do not need men. Or fops. So there.
“…angel of music… you denied me…”
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From: frenchlady(at)operappopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Yes, dear, you go show ‘em!
April snow brings: cute-butted, book-loving, mass-e-mailing, tall, dark, ‘n’ handsome Persians. Oh baby!
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operappopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
Subject: FW: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Aaaaaaagh! Will this cursed day never end?112?1 First the love of my life doesn’t like females, so I will have to undergo a couple of painful operations, but now, my mother?11?23?2?
-Meg
“Cute and blonde since 1854!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
To: blondeballetrat(at)operappopulaire. com
Subject: RE: FW: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Ooh.. gender-change operation? Brilliant idea! I’ll go sign us up right now!
-Chrissie
“…angel of music… you denied me…”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: April Snow!
Dear all,
There’s something Meg and I would like to share with you. Having been denied the love we feel we deserve from a certain peeping-Erik, we have decided that since he likes men, and we would like to be liked by him, well, you know the drill…
Mssrs André et Firmin, we would like to ask you for different roles after this, since we believe we cannot realistically portray our feminine roles anymore.
Thank you for your understanding,
Christoph Daaé and Markus Giry
“…angel of music… you denied me…”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operappopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: April Fools!
Noo… my darling Christine (and I s’pose, you too, Meg) don’t do eeeet!
April Fools, everyone. I hope that your intelligence was sufficient enough for you to at once detect our trick, and were merely playing along. Although, recent events have made me think otherwise.
The Vicomte and I are in no way a couple, unless you mean a couple of leet hax0rs, or course.
Yours ever,
O.G.
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind… and unquestionably straight and single…”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operappopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operappopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net; overlooked(at)persiansrus. org
Subject: RE: April Fools!
Oh yes, my darling tutor. Right right, I knew at once that you were merely joking. Of course I was playing along!1!11!1
Just to make sure, though, you’re serious, right? You still wub me?
Very relieved,
Christine
“…angel of music… maybe you didn’t deny me after all…”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operappopulaire. com
Subject: RE: April Fools!
What?1?1 You mean you don’t love me after all? I thought we had something special!1!
Still hopelessly in love with you,
-Raoul
“I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! And a little hurt as well…”
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Authors’ Note: We realized that we didn’t put up an April Fools Special in time, so this is making up for it! Hope you’re not too enraged and murderous… review, review!
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Post by Recommended on Aug 19, 2006 15:47:51 GMT -5
Disclaimer: Just think of it! If we owned the Phantom of the Opera, then author #1 will own Gerik... eeks… now there’s a disturbing thought…
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Part XI
From: prettypirouettes(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: ACK!
Dear all,
Since I was unfortunately unable to perform in the last Opera (totally worth it, though), I lent out a pair of Pointe shoes to someone. I really, really, really, really, desperately need them back. I don’t know to who, I don’t know when, and I don’t know what it looks like (it might be a powdery blue, or a lime green, but yeah, you get the drift).
So, ahem, if you find anything that doesn’t belong to you, give it to me!
Thanks bunches,
La Sorelli
“Coupé, coupé. jeté, jeté, assemble!”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Read only if you’re a ballerina:
Hey all, I forgot the e-mail address for just the ballet folks, so this’ll have to do.
First, Sori, dearie, it’s “to whom,” not “to who.” If you want, I have a grammar book in my office you may borrow sometime.
Okay, crew!
Tomorrow’s the day of our next obligatory dance concert trip. You should bring a writing utensil, and something to write on, and your wits about you. After the performance, I expect you all to write a response paper, describing how the performance changed you and your views on life. They are to be at least 50 lines, 12 pt font, Times New Roman, and are to be e-mailed to me by no later than a week after tomorrow.
Mme. Giry
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: duckducknoose(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Check this out!
Look everyone! I got myself a new e-mail address! The former one I now use for my business dealings, so send your rug requests that-a-way!
Oh, and Antoinette, darling, don’t be so harsh on the poor girl. I’m sure “to who” is an acceptable colloquialism.
Yours,
Teh Nadir
PS. All rumours about my butt have been severely exaggerated. Pray, stop gawking, all of you!
“There’s a reason I’m not called ‘Apex’”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: My Broken Heart
Oh, Monsieur le Phantôme, what a cruel joke you played on me! I fear my very heart and soul shall never be the same again. I know we had a real connection. Couldn’t you feel it, when we were hax0ring teh ub-1337 mainframe together?
As a token of my deep affection, please read this poem, which comes from the bottom of my love-torn heart:
There once was a dashing male Phantom
Who sometimes held ladies for ransom
They screamed and they kicked
Which hurt poor Erik
But stopped when they saw he was handsome
Luvvies from,
Raoul
“I feel pretty, oh so pretty!”
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Ballet Journal
Mum - I mean, Mme Giry, Teacher, Ma'am -
Here is my latest ballet journal entry, all neatly typed up! Better late than never, right? You're not taking off points for me turning it in two weeks late, are you?
I have been working super-hard on my pirouettes lately, and I am really optimistic that it shows! At first I was having trouble with spotting-you know, I kept wobbling all over, and that falling incident last Thursday need never be repeated to anyone ever again. But now I think I really have the hang of it, thanks to my exercises in the spinny chair in Andre and Firmin's office. Please don't tell them about that.
I luv luv luv my new tutu, especially the sparkly bits! It makes all the practice worthwhile to be able to wear a pretty outfit like that and be all shiny on stage!
"Well, I will continue to be cheery and hard-working in class, as ever!
Luv,
Meg
"Cute and blonde since 1854!"
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: More Rhymes’o’Devotion
‘Wik,
After I went five minutes without finding a response to my love limerick, I realized that it must have been lost or redirected somehow. I knew that if it had gotten to your mailbox, you would have instantly felt the bond of soulmate-ship which ties us together calling you hither to read it.
Therefore, here is another poem which I hope you will enjoy.
Dark form in Box 5—
Announcement of his presence—
My heart, it flutters.
These haikus are so addictive! I simply had to include another.
Malicious virus
Invading my CPU—
Token of his love.
Kisses—mwah!
Raouly
“I feel pretty, oh so pretty!”
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Disrespect of Personal Property
Ladies and gentlemen (and ghosts),
It has recently come to our attention that a great crime has been committed right under our very noses! Yes, our beloved office chair, fondly dubbed "Spinny McSpinners," has met a sad and tragic death at the hands of-who?
Yes, friends, this is a sad day, and the tragedy is only compounded by the fact that we don't even know who spun poor Spinny hard enough to break him! The poor defenseless chair… We didn't even get a chance to… say… goodbye… -sob-!
Firmin here, taking over for Andre. We are both very upset over this loss, and would greatly appreciate any confessions or tips which might lead us to the culprit.
Morosely, miserably, inconsolably yours,
Andie'n'Firmie
"I had a dream… such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more…"
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: A better poem
My dearest, the delight of my soul, I realize that you perhaps are shocked by the lack of length of my previous poems. Although conciseness is a virtue, and silence is golden... However, I feel that perhaps a longer poem will show you the true depth of my affection.
Ere I saw you, I believed not in love. Mine
Ardor knows no bounds now, as I behold
Thine eyes, so beautifully golden, and shine…
Erik, oh, Erik, I love you so!
Lover, mine heart doth thou embrace
But, oh, art thou not also anticipating
Sweet love’s duet? Art thou not waiting,
To feed our instincts most base?
Think, darling, of lovers’ intertwining lace!
My dear, for fleeting always is true love,
I pray that you would my affections keep.
Your pure heart, like that of angels above,
I shall always, eternally, adore.
Shun me, and forever I shall gladly weep.
For, the one thing even I abhor,
Is cruelty of a lover, a cut ever so deep.
My mind, soul, and bodyare completelyyours,
Raoul
“I feel pretty, oh so pretty!”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Flooded Inbox
Vicomte,
Your emails have flooded my inbox. Ego-boosting as your, ahem, creative poems are, I must ask you to cease and desist.
Or else.
From,
O.G.
PS. When did your poetry skills improve so?
PPS. I was not going to dignify your pathetic supplication by replying, but my curiosity got the best of me. Pray, where did you learn to rhyme like that? Would you care to show me a couple of pointers, so I can better serenade my pupil?
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Thank Goodness!
I was about to think you didn’t care for me… but your timely e-mail has washed away all my fears.
“Your e-mails have flooded my inbox” is clearly code for “love for you fills my heart.” I also adore the way you thank away my compliments so humbly, and in turn praise my creativity, which I previously had reservations about. Of course, now that you are aware of my affections, I no longer will have to write cryptic poems hinting at them, and we shall be able to discuss (and maybe act out? Just a thought…) our love-bond.
Oh, alright. There should be no secrets between lovers. I must confess, I bought that last poem off of eBay the other day. For 20 extra francs, they encoded a secret message for me! You should feel immensely special, for they were the 20 francs I was going to use to buy some more lavender-scented essential oils.
Oh.. – blushes – aww.. Ewik, you know I’m completely enamored with you… no need for such flattery!
Luv,
Raoulies
“I feel pretty, oh so pretty!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Be careful!
Mes amis,
I have been, for the past two days, taking general health classes at the local teashop. There are really serious issues that we are not aware of!
As I learn more about these, I will update you all on my findings. I do hope this will make our little opera house a healthier place to be!
Cheers,
Chrissie
“…angel of music…”
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Authors’ Note: Sorry for the long wait.. and the apparent lack of quality.. We were going to make up a good excuse, but see.. we forgot to.. oops.. well, if you review, hopefully that'll guilt us into updating faster!
Oh, and special Gerik-kisses to whoever figures out the secret message in Raoul's poem! (that's a really nice prize, by the way; author #1 is the jealous type.)
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Post by Recommended on Aug 30, 2006 12:43:03 GMT -5
Disclaimer: We’ve used up our funny-ness in writing this chapter, so this disclaimer is dull as a blunt axe.
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Part XII
From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Your Anorexia
Darling Raoul, I’ve been learning about eating disorders in my health class. After careful thinking, I believe that you are anorexic.
Oops, scratch that, we’re supposed to use the “’I’ Statement” when counseling; ahem: I’m dreadfully worried about you because you exhibit some signs of disordered eating that may or may not eventually develop into anorexia. There we go, much better!
Seriously, though, you do fit the signs uncannily..:
-- Thinning hair – ever since last month.. remember? Same time you made that new conditioner..
-- Pale/ashen – you’re always so pale now!
-- Fainting spells – my tutor says that he sees you feeling dizzy most of the time
-- Skipping meals – Meg says your excuse is that you’re busy writing poetry to the love of your life, but I haven’t gotten any…
-- Nervous – especially around my angel… I suppose he found you out, and you’re afraid he’ll tattle? Don’t worry, he didn’t tell me, I figured it all out!
-- Loss of interest in activities – you’re always so sullen, and look like you can’t concentrate…
Don’t worry, my love. I’ve signed you up for a rehabilitation program. A coach will arrive for you in 15 minutes, and you shall stay there for as long as needed to make you well again, probably no longer than a couple of decades!
Luvs,
Chrissie
“…angel of music…”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny, net
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: Your Anorexia
Haha, very funny, Christine… Actually, you really had me fooled for a moment there. Then I realized, of course, that you would understand I would never become anorexic. Why, what good would it do me to grow too thin and skeletal to fit into my dashing, fashionable outfits? Not to mention the horrors of pallid hair and complexion associated with eating disorders. How would I woo anyone looking like that?
Hey, I almost imagined I heard a coach pulling up outside. You didn’t really call anyone, did you? That would be taking the joke a bit too far. By the way, you were just kidding about the thinning hair, weren’t you?
Oh no, they’re at the door… Chrissie, my childhood friend, my flower, you wouldn’t really do this to me, would you? Please, Christine… they’re coming in now… don’t let them takSVKBSKDRJGB
“I feel pretty… oh, so pretty…”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Your Tuberculosis
My dearest Angel of Music,
I am writing to tell you how worried I have become ever since our lesson yesterday. I am troubled by the moment when you stepped away from my music book and coughed.
Yes, the cough was cleverly disguised to look small and insignificant, but I could tell how it wracked your delicate (but manly!… and so very gorgeous and sexy) frame. After some research, I have concluded that you are at a great risk for tuberculosis.
Clearly, the only solution is to get you out of that damp, disgusting dungeon and moved to some more health-inducing quarters. I am confident that with rest and some TLC you will be fine soon if we move you right away!
Luv’n’huggles,
Christine
“…angel of music…”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: Your Tuberculosis
Nonsense, ma petite,
I’m as healthy as a beanstalk…er (oh look, a pun!). There’s no need to worry about me! I will not have you fretting over my non-existent illness… your time is more wisely spent practicing your scales, or drooling over me, come to think of it…
No worries,
Erik
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: Your Tuberculosis
Oh no, dear tutor! Besides, it’s better to be safe than sorry… I’ve been thinking about how absolutely unsanitary your cave is…
Perhaps I can convince the managers to let you move into my chambers, since it’s so big and empty, and I’m all alone most of the time…
Your mask,
Christine
“…angel of music…”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: Your Tuberculosis
Ah oui? Your suite? I mean…
Come to think of it, I have been coughing persistently lately, and am more often seized by bouts of chest pain. Perhaps you are indeed correct, as you most often are.
So, mademoiselle, when do I move in?
Your sickly tutor who will greatly improve with fresh air from your bedroom,
Erik
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Meg’s Suicidal Tendencies
Mme Giry,
Lately I have become worried by my dear friend Meg’s behavior. As her mother, I wanted to let you know about the delicate situation. You see, Meg is displaying clear signs of suicidal tendencies. Over the course of the past few days, during which we have been learning about suicidal disorders in my health class, I have grown more and more convinced that Meg may do herself harm in the future.
Her gloomy attitude (especially when you tell her to practice with one hundred more pirouettes!), the way she has been sneaking around near Andre and Firmin, her authority figures—it all points to mental instability.
After seeing her clearly staring out the windows more than once, I am sure that she was ready to jump! She seemed annoyed after I tackled her to the floor, but that is only to be expected. People in her state are incapable of seeing the good we are trying to do them by curing them. I’m sure her shouting was only a thin cover for her disappointment that she was unable to successfully defenestrate herself.
I suggest that, in order to cure Meg, we:
-- take the door off of her room so she cannot shut herself inside and commit suicide
-- board up her windows so she cannot jump out
-- keep someone watching her at all times when she is out of her room
-- set up a suicide alert and a window watch
-- make sure she stays away from my angel of music. After all, he is a rather angsty individual, and the gloom might only encourage her!
These measures should be enough to keep her safe until I can cure her of her unfortunate tendencies!
Luv,
Christine
“…angel of music…”
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From: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Goodbye, cruel opera house!
Dear all,
I don’t know why, but everyone’s been rather mean to me lately. First, they remove my doors and board up my windows… and then they confiscate my scissors… and I’m not even allowed to try to find darling Erik… and everyone gives me strange looks… and there’s always someone following me… and they have recently added thick padding to my walls…
All this is getting to be too much, but don’t worry. I shan’t have to endure this for much longer!
Remember me when I’m gone,
Meg
“Cute and blonde since 1854!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: FW: Goodbye, cruel opera house!
Eeeeeeek! Whatever shall we do? I wasn’t trained for this!
-Chrissie
“…angel of music…”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: FW: Goodbye, cruel opera house!
Christine, Dearie,
I don’t know… I guess we should just make the most of the time while she’s still with us.
Cheer up,
Mme Giry
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: FW: Goodbye, cruel opera house!
What?1 Do you not care that she’s leaving us?1 Are you not going to miss her?1! A great mother you are…
“…angel of music…”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: RE: FW: Goodbye, cruel opera house!
Don’t be silly… of course we’re all going to miss Meg, and it is because I’m a good mother that I am not being so selfish and trying to keep her with me.
Think of it this way, Chrissie dear, Meg’s going to be in a better place; she’ll be happier there!
- Mme Giry
PS. Besides, I’m sure she’ll come back and visit! I’m sure you’ll see her again sooner than you think!
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: FW: Goodbye, cruel opera house!
OMGWTF?1 What the “heck” are you talking about? Why exactly are you supporting your daughter’s idea of suicide?
And uhh… I don’t particularly want a Meg-Ghost to come back and haunt me… and I really don’t want to join her indeath so quickly… plus, I'm going to Purgatory, not Hell...
-Chrissie
“…angel of music…”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: HELP!
Dear all,
I had resolved recently, thanks to some, ah, gentle urging by Mme Giry, to no longer send mass emails, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Yes, I am now an unfairly convicted member of Jacques’s Institute for the Care of Anorexics. It has taken me three torturous days of counseling, group therapy, and force-feeding, but I have finally managed to get access to a computer to contact you.
I beg of you, rescue me! Anyone who has seen me on raspberry torte day in the cafeteria can vouch for my definite freedom from anorexia.
Your miserable patron,
Raoul, le Vicomte de Chagny
P.S.: Don’t depend on contacting me through e-mail, I suspect that Jacques may find his computer has been tragically infested by a mysterious virus soon.
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FW: Goodbye, cruel opera house!
Suicide! Heaven forbid, good child!
No no, didn’t you hear? Meg got a 2-year contract with a touring group in Strasbourg! So she’s leaving our opera house for the time being. Nadir’s going with her too… ooh, I am going to miss that hunk of a man…
Mme Giry
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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Authors’ Note: Love it? Hate it? Got suggestions for the next special feature? Is the slashy-slash making you sick? Does Christine seem too intelligent? Miss the love poems? Want to declare your undying love for Raoul? Tell us all in a review! (And we’ll actually respond to them now!)
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Post by Recommended on Aug 30, 2006 13:00:41 GMT -5
To make up for the long wait (we’re kind of sorry about that, by the way) here’s another chatroom scene!
PS. This chapter's dedicated to all math-y people!
Disclaimer: We own nothing. Oh wait, that’s not true... Eloise owns a copy of the 2004 movie, but she’s defending that with her life.
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Part XIII
Firmin: dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today..
Andre: eh.. Firmie, dear, we’re not at a wedding..
Firmin: oh. Oops. We’re here today for the first-ever Opera Populaire Quiz Bowl Match!
Andre: Sooo.. dear Quizlets, you need to divide up into two teams, who wants to be a team captain?
Erik: I wish you wouldn’t call me that, it does bother me so..
Firmin: psst, Andie, d'you know who this Erik is?
Andre: no clue, Mimi
Firmin: Ah well.. thanks for volunteering! Who else?
Raoul: ohh! me! me me meee…
Meg: I want to be on Erik’s team!
Christine: me too!
Raoul: whaa? OMG, Christine..
MmeGiry: don’t worry, dear Vicomte, I’ll be on your team!
Nadir: and me as well!
Erik: hmph. No loyalty whatsoever. I wonder what Mr. Punjab thinks of that..?
Nadir: umm.. nevermind. I want to be on Erik’s team.. sorry dear..
MmeGiry: someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight..
Meg: ehh.. mum? What are you talking about?
MmeGiry: oops.. I mean.. nothing.. nothing at all! I’m going to go check on dinner, it should be ready to eat soon –twitches slightly-
Philippe: no wukkas.. me and Sori’ll stick with ya, bro
Raoul: dude.. “no wukkas”? since when did you turn Australian?
Andre: alrighty. La Carlotta, you’re with Raoul, then. Teams names, anyone?
Raoul: FopsUnited!
Erik: I like.. umm.. peanut.. butter..?
Firmin: okie dokies! We just discovered this really kewl chatroom feature; you can add tags to everyone’s names! Look!
Meg(PeanutButter): what do u mean?
Meg(PeanutButter): whoah! neat!
Andre: okay, then. Let us commence!
Firmin: first question, it’s an easy one:
Firmin: if there are 93 men and 72 women hunting after the Opera Ghost, the men each have a .102 chance of finding him, and the women each have .049 chance, what’s the overall probability of the O.G. getting away?
Christine(PeanutButter): Firmin, that’s a bit sexist of you, isn’t it? I think women should have the same chance of finding him!
Meg(PeanutButter): wat’s “sexist”?
Erik(PeanutButter): Excuse my humble opinions, but the Opera Ghost will never submit to apprehension! How dare you underestimate his omnipotent powers?
Meg(PeanutButter): huh?.. u just used alot of words that i dun kno
Philippe(FopsUnited): 86.986
Andre: oh! capital, capital! that’s some fast math right there!
La Sorelli(FopsUnited): that’s my man :-D
Raoul(FopsUnited): dude, where d’you learn to do that?
Philippe(FopsUnited): mum sent me to business school when you were away at ballet lessons
Philippe(FopsUnited): oops. I didn’t mean to say that… sorry…
Raoul(FopsUnited): I only went so I can see Christine! My love for her is nothing to be ashamed of!
Erik(PeanutButter): that’s what they all say.. -snigger chortle giggle-
Christine(PeanutButter): Erik, shush! Aww, Raoul, that’s so sweet of you!
Erik(PeanutButter): excuse my behavior. I think I may have had one too many martinis.. -blushes-
Meg(PeanutButter): martinis? where?
Erik(PeanutButter): Christine has a secret alcohol stash under her bed
Christine(PeanutButter): -flushes- I need it for.. medical reasons…
Firmin: ahem. Moving on: one over cosine x, divided by a constant “c”, simplifies to what expression?
Erik(PeanutButter): let’s see.. one over cosine x is secant x, over c.. it’s (sec x)/c?
Raoul(FopsUnited): wait! I know how to finish it! the c’s cancel out, so the answer is “s*x”! M. Firmin, these questions are a bit inappropriate, aren’t they?
Firmin: I’m sorry M. de Changy, Erik has the correct answer. You are now tied, with one point each.
Raoul(FopsUnited): dude, it’s “de Chagny”
Firmin: oops. sorry, man.
Andre: next question: You are captured by the Shah of Persia, and placed in a prison to be executed.
Andre: The executioner tells all the prisoners, there are twenty of them, a day prior the method of execution.
Andre: Everyone is lined up, and the executioner puts either a black or white hat on everyone’s head.
Erik(PeanutButter): can you please just type everything out at once? It does bother me so.
Andre: okay okay, #20 can see everyone in front of him, but not his own hat, #19 sees the first 18 people’s, etc. The executioner then asks #20 what color his hat is, and if he answers correctly, he is spared. The executioner then asks #19, and so on. The prisoners are allowed to meet and discuss a strategy beforehand. The question is: how many people can you make sure you save?
Erik(PeanutButter): bah. My good friend Nadir will surely let me escape. This question does not concern me.
Nadir(PeanutButter): yea. and I’m not about to go and kill myself, or my dear Antoinette.
Raoul(FopsUnited): I’ll pay them off with my enormous fortune!
Meg(PeanutButter): i’ll seduce teh gaurds!
Christine(PeanutButter): what about me?
Raoul(FopsUnited): of course I won’t let them kill you! I haven’t even slept with you yet!
Christine(PeanutButter): aww… so sweet… wait, what?1 is that why you’ve been buying me lingerie?
Erik(PeanutButter): you haven’t? Hah!
Raoul(FopsUnited): pfft. It’s not like you have either…
Erik(PeanutButter): ooh.. I wouldn’t be so sure about that, my most esteemed fop…
Christine(PeanutButter): Erik, shh! You really can’t hold your liquor, can you?
Raoul(FopsUnited): Christine? What’s going on?
Christine(PeanutButter): It’s nothing.. Erik’s just being his usual delusional self again…
Erik(PeanutButter): I resent that!
Philippe(FopsUnited): 19?
Raoul(FopsUnited): huh? I’m so confused..
Philippe(FopsUnited): 19 people saved, you dolt. I’d explain it to you, but it seems like such a waste of time.
Firmin: Brava! Correct!
Erik(PeanutButter): my dear M. Firmin, it’s “bravo,” or “bravi” if its plural. I’m sincerely sorry, but such horrid grammar does bother me so.
Raoul(FopsUnited): geez, Erik, you’re such a whiner!
Andre: okay okay.. next question: it has been scientifically proven that drinking 22 ml of arsenic will kill a person. If you drank 5 glasses of water, each laced with 6 ml of arsenic, will you die?
Raoul(FopsUnited): okay, who wants to test it?
Philippe(FopsUnited): one sec, I think I’ve figured it out.. it the answer "yes"?
Christine(PeanutButter): uh oh..
Meg(PeanutButter): wat?
Christine(PeanutButter): Erik was on the fifth glass when he passed out.. d’you think it’s serious?
Meg(PeanutButter): dunno.. prolly not..
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Author’s Note: Sorry for taking so long to update! Eloise had AP exams.. and Elizabeth, well, she’s just lazy.. Although, to her credit, she did do a temporary bio for us (which you can now all see) that will remain until Eloise comes up with something better. Right, so actually, Elizabeth was deathly illness due to a sinus infection, but that’s okay, she’s tough…
Righto, you notice that it’s “Author’s Note,” singular. No worries, Elizabeth will return, after catching up with all her work… this is also the reason why this chapter’s kind of short; Eloise simply not clever enough to write funny things.
Also, sorry that this is short, but life’s been hectic, and finals are coming up. So, this is probably (see last note) the one update this week, but after exams (next week) are over, and Eloise is comfortably home, you can expect updates at least twice a week!
Last note: review, review! Your reviews inspire us to keep writing… and if we have enough feedback, since Eloise’s too insecure about her writing, there might be another chapter on Wednesday! ;-)
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Post by Recommended on Aug 30, 2006 13:12:09 GMT -5
Finally… the next installment! At the risk of sounding like a broken record player: we’re really sorry for the long wait.
Disclaimer: Zip. Zilch. Nada.
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Part XIV
From: blondeballetrat(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at) operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
CC: duckducknoose(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Hiya!
Heyy guyz and galz at the Opera P.!
Everyting’s swell here at Opera somethin… i 4get teh name… but yea, they treat us real nice hear, lyk, private chambers and everything!1!1! i wish we kan stay here 4eva!1
ooo.. who am i kiding?1 i relly miss paris.. I relly wana go bac! -sniff- i'm relly longly here.. nothing to do… no one to talk to.. and Nadir’s konversashun skillz are medioker at best… :’(
- Meg
“Cute and blonde since 1854!”
PS. Lyk, kan ne1 of u come an’ visit mi?
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at) operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: FW: Hiya!
Members of the Opera Populaire:
We have been together so long that I feel we are a big family… A big, musical family… Andie and Firmie are like the daddies, and maybe I’m a kind auntie, and there are lots of sons and daughters, and even an antisocial basement-dwelling teenager type, and—
Well, anyway, since we are such a family, I knew I could count on all of you to help me cheer up my poor, depressed daughter, who has been struck with homesickness on her very first time away from home for so long. I told her this would happen, I said, “Meggie, isn’t the ballet here good enough for you?” but of course, she’s going through that stubborn phase and she said she’d never get a leading role if she didn’t go study AP Ballet Technique, silly girl…
Here is my idea: I think we should make big care packages for Meg! Everyone can give something to add to the box, and then we’ll mail it all to Meg in Strasbourg, where she’s working so hard and I know she’ll love it soooo much. You can bring a little gift, or some nice food, or a letter to Meg and leave it with me. If we all collaborate, we can make such a great package for her! Remember, there’s no “I” in “team,” so don’t hesitate to bring your last package of cookies to my chamber—for the sake of Meg, of course.
Your auntie,
Mme Giry
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at) operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: FW: FW: Hiya!
You said it! There’s no “I” in “team,” but there are two in “martini.” So, everyone, to my... eh... Christine’s suite! I’ve managed to crack the combination to her lock on the liquor cabinet!
Cheers,
O.G.
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at) operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: FW: FW: FW: Hiya!
Monsieur le Fantome:
Really now, you must take this situation seriously! Now, run along and make a nice present for Meg.
-Mme Giry
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: welovepublicity(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at) operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Marvellous!
We would like to take this moment to say that, as managers, we simply couldn’t be prouder of this opera house! This togetherness and bonding are what make the best businesses run the way they do (making lots of money, that is!). We really feel that the Opera Populaire is a special place, and we should all work together, like we are now, to make gigantic profits—we mean, to be the best opera house in history! Woo-hoo!
Luv,
Andre and Firmin
"I had a dream… such publicity! But it was a dream, and nothing more…"
P.S.: Are we really the daddies? Aww!
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at) operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: FW: FW: FW: FW: Hiya!
“Monsieur”… hehe… what a funny word! I once wrote a dissertation on the pronunciation of that word once… it wasn’t received well by the general public, unfortunately… another funny word is “dissertation”… kinda like “dessert”… but not… wheeeee!
Not drunk at all!
O.G.
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: Your Alcoholism
Dear my Angel of Music,
I had thought that after taking my health class I’d cured the Opera Populaire of all the different problem that plague our “family,” but now I see that I was being foolish and naïve- which is sooo unlike me! My wonderful tutor, I fear you have a problem with alcoholism! I can only imagine what you have stored in your dungeon… and how you are so skilled at picking the sort of locks I use for my doors…
If you do not agree to attend twice-weekly meetings at the local chapter of AMSA (Alcoholic Masked Stalkers Anonymous) I will take more desperate measures. You don’t want to make a girl mad!
Your devoted pupil,
Chrissie
“…angel of music…”
P.S.: This is all for your own good. And I will be expecting repayment for my martini ingredients…
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frozenexpression(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: I swear to drunk I’m not God!
Chrissin,
I don’ know why u tink i’m drunk or hav a problm or nething!1 I m perfetcly ok. And u shuld com to drink wiht us!1!1 It’s a good party, n it is in your room aniways. Who knew teh balerinas liked martininis soo much?
Luvs,
Erikk
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: Contributions
Hi all,
I counted up everything last night, and am proud to say that the majority of us got our acts together and managed to find a nice surprise for Meggie. And by majority, I mean all but one!
By the way, Monsieur le Fantome, sir, if you please, go buy Meg a nice little bracelet or such and give it to me before noon, I can still add it to the care package; and really, it’ll show Meg that you care, which I’m sure will delight her.
Right, we’ll know soon enough whether or not this alleviates poor Meg’s homesickness. If it works, I hope we can all continue to send her weekly mail!
Thank you all,
Mme. Giry
P.S.: Monsieur le Vicomte, those are magnificent hair accessories that you purchased for Meg. They really show exquisite, girly taste and are perfect for her!
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: duckducknoose(at)operapopulaire. com
To: castncrew(at)operapopulaire. com; prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net; bigbrotha(at)dechagny. net
Subject: FW: Contributions
Um… what about me? I’m sure someone would like to send me a letter… or some cookies… or a nice little present… I am really not very demanding, and I am quite a good stage hand…
Hello?
Anybody?
Your abandoned Persian,
Nadir
“There’s a reason my name isn’t ‘Apex.’”
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From: prettyinpink(at)dechagny. net;
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: Contributions
Mme. Giry,
“Girly,” you say? Oh yes yes, Christine helped me pick those out. But pray, don’t ask her; she’s sure to deny it, that strange girl! -twitch-
Completely honest,
Raoul, le Vicomte de Chagny
“I feel pretty, oh so pretty!”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: Contributions
My most esteemed Mme. Giry:
I really would like to donate. Believe me, I am a most fervent supporter of the Meg-cause. However, as I am but a deprived ghost with meager funds, I simply cannot afford to purchase extravagant gifts for a temperamental teenage girl.
My sincerest apologies,
O.G.
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: Contributions
Monsieur le Fantome,
Nonsense! I know all about your twenty-thousand francs per month, sir, as I personally hand you your paychecks. Now, then, I’m sure a recluse such as yourself has no where to spend it all, so you must be hoarding at least millions! Come now, spending a few francs won’t kill you, you stingy!
Awaiting your contribution,
Mme. Giry
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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From: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
To: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Contributions
Mme Giry:
I’m afraid to inform you that my fortune is completely gone now. Half of it, shh, is in the form of a diamond ring, and the other half I had to use to bribe some nice folks at AMSA to tell Christine I’m a dedicated attendee.
Yours,
O.G.
“The Phantom of the Opera is there… inside your mind!”
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From: frenchlady(at)operapopulaire. com
To: undergroundlunatic(at)operapopulaire. com
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Contributions
M. le F. (so much easier to type!),
Why, don’t worry! What size is that ring? Oh.. nevermind! I’m sure it can be resized! Now, I know you meant to propose to Meg after she returns, but you might as well cheer her up now and pop the question!
Oh… just think! I can almost hear the wedding bells!
Soon to be your mother-in-law,
Antoinette
“Don’t just do it, dance it!”
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Authors’ Note: Oh noes! Is it really true? Did Eloise just put Erik/Meg into the phic? Is that thunderstorm outside the window actually boding the end of the world as we know it? Stay tuned… and review… to find out.
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