Post by alanna on Apr 1, 2006 23:36:42 GMT -5
Rating:: umm i dunno K+
maby i forgot
Disclaimer: HP is not mine never will be either.
Most of these aren't mine either LOL
i found them at
archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=7933&chapter=1
but some are of an adult context on the actual site
umm just add more if ya wanna
LUV AL
I will not switch Umbridge's special quill with her normal ones.
-It was not an honest mistake.
Saying something is forbidden is not a personal challenge.
It is still illegal even if I don't get caught.
I will not mutiny against the Ministry and/or Hogwarts authorities.
-I am very lucky I was not thrown in Azkaban the last time.
Professor Flitwick does not like to be called "Mini Me"
I will stop telling firsties that they will have good luck if they kiss the Whomping Willow.
-This is not funny.
I will not encourage Peeves in any way, shape, or form I cannot teach firsties how to fly without a broom and I will give them their money back when they recover.
Hearing the word "it" does not cause me any pain.
I am not being repressed.
I will refrain from holding fights between the house mascots and will not take bets on the out comes.
Skinny dipping in the lake is frowned upon.
Umbridge is not the Wicked Witch of the West and will not melt if I pour water on her.
-Neither will Snape.
Bungee jumping off the is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.
-Changing the location does not make it appropriate.
-No matter how much money I make.
Gryffindor's sword is not to be used to patrol the hallways.
I will not take bets on how long the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will last.
The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.
I am not allowed to pass my time by licking my wand suggestively.
- especially towards Snape when he is teaching class.
- even more especially when he is tutoring me one-on-one.
- nor will I ask him, as he is a Legilimens, if in my mind "he likes what he sees" whilst licking said wand.
I am not allowed to giggle incessantly whenever Professor Lupin and Sirius Black enter a room at the same time.
- nor am I allowed to start singing loud porno music.
- singing "If you were gay" is also not appropriate.
- neither is asking them about "doin' it doggy style".
I am not allowed to teach any of the house pictures to use passwords involving lewd situations between Harry and Malfoy in order to allow the students to get in.
- same goes for the prefects lavatory.
Murmuring "I see dead people… " every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.
I am not funny. No matter how much I make myself laugh.
Telling every first year that all of the Slytherins are transsexuals is not very nice and only partly true.
Making a slinky go from the top of the astronomy tower to the ground level is not an appropriate pastime
- especially while singing "everyone loves a slinky".
- especially while singing "everyone loves a slinky" until the slinky hits the bottom.
- especially while singing "everyone loves a slinky" until the slinky hits the bottom and starting the whole process over again whenever the slinky gets stuck.
- apparently, not everyone loves a slinky.
"Special brownies" are frowned upon.
- even if the results are hilarious.
- especially if given to the staff.
Yelling "to infinity, and BEYOND!" was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.
Even though Voldemort does give his followers rings, he is not Captain Planet and none of the Death Eaters have powers in "wind, water, earth, fire, heart!".
- I should not sing the Captain Planet theme song whenever I see them.
Singing the Darth Vader theme song whenever Snape enters the room does not make him happy.
- neither does any singing from me ever.
I am no longer allowed to sing my "own personal spy music" when I wander around the hallways.
I am not allowed to require all first years to refer to me as "the most high and honorable master of the universe" and bang a gong whenever I enter a room.
Kicking people and then running away is a good way to get yourself hexed.
- so is putting fingers in people's food and then running away.
- same goes for ripping their papers and then running away.
Whenever someone casts a spell, it is not appropriate to turn to them and scream that they are the "TOOL OF SATAN!" and that they should "CEASE IN PRACTISING SUCH DEMONRY!".
- neither is any such impersonation of a southern Bapist preacher.
- this includes attempting to perform an exorcism on anyone performing a spell.
I should not sell t-shirts saying "Merlin is my homeboy".
- same goes for "Voldemort is my homeboy".
If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell "MORPHIN' TIME!" every time I change.
- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.
Introducing all of the non-muggle-borns to Spongebob Squarepants and then making them watch it over and over again, claiming it is the "funniest show ever," is cruel.
I am no longer, nor was I ever, allowed to hold ceremonies that involve sacrifices of any kind.
- this includes house elves.
- and first years.
- and Hagrid's pets.
- and Slytherins.
- and muggles.
- and, especially, Snape.
There is no Hogwarts radio, and I am not the "redhot DJ for the coooool midnight hours".
No one cares that I "wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener".
- I should stop pretending they do.
- especially since half of them don't know what these "wieners" are.
There are no house cheerleaders and I am not one of them.
- I am not allowed to pretend I am one by cheering inappropriately.
- even during Wizard's chess.
I am not allowed to ask any of the Malfoys if it's "true that blonds have more fun?".
- same goes for the Weasleys and redheads.
Despite the fact that there's probably a good market for them, I am not allowed to try to sell Harry, Ron, or Hermione on eBay.
-I'm not allowed to try to sell anyone on eBay, no matter how much money I would make.
Mad Eye will not let me borrow his magical eye.
-He won't sell it or rent it out either, so don't even ask.
I am not allowed to use the Marauder's Map while playing Hide-and-Seek in the corridors, because that is cheating.
-Actually, I'm not allowed to play Hide-and-Seek in the corridors.
-Or in the classrooms.
-Or in the Prefect's bathroom.
-Or in Dumbledore's office.
-I am not allowed to play Hide-and-Seek at all.
I am not allowed to skinny dip in the lake.
-The giant squid did not blackmail me into doing this.
-I am not in love with the giant squid.
Dying Snape's hair pink in his sleep is considered harrasment.
Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport.
Even if Fred and George Weasley did it, I am not allowed to run a business out of the dorms.
-Especially an escort service.
-Even if the teachers get a cut.
Dobby is NOT an albino orc.
-Or Gollum, for that matter.
42 is NOT the answer to every question on the OWLs.
I will stop asking the house elves to teach me Elvish.
I will stop trying to make up spells in Elvish.
- Or the Black Tongue
- Or Dwarvish
- Or any other language that has absolutely nothing to do with magic.
I must stop playing with Fluffy.
- Especially if it's fetch.
- And he's fetching first years.
- Or Snape. Or McGonagall. Or anyone, really.
As much as I wish it, there are absolutely no connections between the wizarding world and LOTR *cries*
- Which means that Aragorn shall not be the next DADA teacher… dang it.
I may not:
Call Professor McGonagall "Mother Superior".
Tell first years that Snape is the voice of God.
- Threaten to hit Snape with a fish.
Shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.
Tell first years that French swear-words are really spells.
Call Dumbledor "Grandpa" again.
Steal Professor Flitwick and try to get him to tell me where his pot 'o gold is.
Dancing around the common room and sing the "Bibbitty Bobbity Boo" song from Cinderella is no longer a good idea no matter how much it annoys Hermione.
I will refrain from calling the Weasley twins "Merry and Pippin".
-I will also refrain from calling Harry and Ron "Frodo and Sam".
-It probably isn't smart to call Draco "Legolas" either.
I will not tell Crabbe and Goyle that if you say 'banana' fast enough, it sounds like 'gullible'.
-No matter how many times they believe it.
This is from Vegetales (a Christian kid’s show)
I will not charm a potato to waltz up and down a aisle with me
-Especially not if it is a produce aisle.
-I will not charm a tomato to talk.
I will not make a book of fanfiction, put a cover called "Stories of Famous Witches and Wizards Trials" on it, and tell Hermione that it is a new textbook.
Pointing out heRmiONe is not funny anymore.
-It was never funny.
I will not start food fight in the Great Hall.
-Paying someone to play "An der schönen blauen Donau" while said food fight is in progress may make it more dramatic, but it is highly frowned upon and they will rat me out.
There are no free unicorn rides being given away in the Forbidden Forest and I should stop telling this to the first years.
I am not to teach the first years how to fly on a broom.
-Should I ignore the above step, I am not to teach them by handing them a broom and throwing them off the Astronomy Tower.
The reason that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is called this is not because his name is a killing word.
Avada Kedavra is a killing word, but you will not test this.
The walking suits of armor do not have blood seals.
-Nor are any of them named Alphonse Elric.
-Because he would have used the Philosopher's Stone by now.
I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
I will not ask the Arithmancy students to calculate i.
- I will not send the results to MIT's math department.
- The same with pi and e.
i hope you liked these POST your own if ya wanna
LUV AL
maby i forgotDisclaimer: HP is not mine never will be either.
Most of these aren't mine either LOL
i found them at
archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=7933&chapter=1
but some are of an adult context on the actual site
umm just add more if ya wanna
LUV AL
I will not switch Umbridge's special quill with her normal ones.
-It was not an honest mistake.
Saying something is forbidden is not a personal challenge.
It is still illegal even if I don't get caught.
I will not mutiny against the Ministry and/or Hogwarts authorities.
-I am very lucky I was not thrown in Azkaban the last time.
Professor Flitwick does not like to be called "Mini Me"
I will stop telling firsties that they will have good luck if they kiss the Whomping Willow.
-This is not funny.
I will not encourage Peeves in any way, shape, or form I cannot teach firsties how to fly without a broom and I will give them their money back when they recover.
Hearing the word "it" does not cause me any pain.
I am not being repressed.
I will refrain from holding fights between the house mascots and will not take bets on the out comes.
Skinny dipping in the lake is frowned upon.
Umbridge is not the Wicked Witch of the West and will not melt if I pour water on her.
-Neither will Snape.
Bungee jumping off the is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.
-Changing the location does not make it appropriate.
-No matter how much money I make.
Gryffindor's sword is not to be used to patrol the hallways.
I will not take bets on how long the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will last.
The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.
I am not allowed to pass my time by licking my wand suggestively.
- especially towards Snape when he is teaching class.
- even more especially when he is tutoring me one-on-one.
- nor will I ask him, as he is a Legilimens, if in my mind "he likes what he sees" whilst licking said wand.
I am not allowed to giggle incessantly whenever Professor Lupin and Sirius Black enter a room at the same time.
- nor am I allowed to start singing loud porno music.
- singing "If you were gay" is also not appropriate.
- neither is asking them about "doin' it doggy style".
I am not allowed to teach any of the house pictures to use passwords involving lewd situations between Harry and Malfoy in order to allow the students to get in.
- same goes for the prefects lavatory.
Murmuring "I see dead people… " every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.
I am not funny. No matter how much I make myself laugh.
Telling every first year that all of the Slytherins are transsexuals is not very nice and only partly true.
Making a slinky go from the top of the astronomy tower to the ground level is not an appropriate pastime
- especially while singing "everyone loves a slinky".
- especially while singing "everyone loves a slinky" until the slinky hits the bottom.
- especially while singing "everyone loves a slinky" until the slinky hits the bottom and starting the whole process over again whenever the slinky gets stuck.
- apparently, not everyone loves a slinky.
"Special brownies" are frowned upon.
- even if the results are hilarious.
- especially if given to the staff.
Yelling "to infinity, and BEYOND!" was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.
Even though Voldemort does give his followers rings, he is not Captain Planet and none of the Death Eaters have powers in "wind, water, earth, fire, heart!".
- I should not sing the Captain Planet theme song whenever I see them.
Singing the Darth Vader theme song whenever Snape enters the room does not make him happy.
- neither does any singing from me ever.
I am no longer allowed to sing my "own personal spy music" when I wander around the hallways.
I am not allowed to require all first years to refer to me as "the most high and honorable master of the universe" and bang a gong whenever I enter a room.
Kicking people and then running away is a good way to get yourself hexed.
- so is putting fingers in people's food and then running away.
- same goes for ripping their papers and then running away.
Whenever someone casts a spell, it is not appropriate to turn to them and scream that they are the "TOOL OF SATAN!" and that they should "CEASE IN PRACTISING SUCH DEMONRY!".
- neither is any such impersonation of a southern Bapist preacher.
- this includes attempting to perform an exorcism on anyone performing a spell.
I should not sell t-shirts saying "Merlin is my homeboy".
- same goes for "Voldemort is my homeboy".
If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell "MORPHIN' TIME!" every time I change.
- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.
Introducing all of the non-muggle-borns to Spongebob Squarepants and then making them watch it over and over again, claiming it is the "funniest show ever," is cruel.
I am no longer, nor was I ever, allowed to hold ceremonies that involve sacrifices of any kind.
- this includes house elves.
- and first years.
- and Hagrid's pets.
- and Slytherins.
- and muggles.
- and, especially, Snape.
There is no Hogwarts radio, and I am not the "redhot DJ for the coooool midnight hours".
No one cares that I "wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener".
- I should stop pretending they do.
- especially since half of them don't know what these "wieners" are.
There are no house cheerleaders and I am not one of them.
- I am not allowed to pretend I am one by cheering inappropriately.
- even during Wizard's chess.
I am not allowed to ask any of the Malfoys if it's "true that blonds have more fun?".
- same goes for the Weasleys and redheads.
Despite the fact that there's probably a good market for them, I am not allowed to try to sell Harry, Ron, or Hermione on eBay.
-I'm not allowed to try to sell anyone on eBay, no matter how much money I would make.
Mad Eye will not let me borrow his magical eye.
-He won't sell it or rent it out either, so don't even ask.
I am not allowed to use the Marauder's Map while playing Hide-and-Seek in the corridors, because that is cheating.
-Actually, I'm not allowed to play Hide-and-Seek in the corridors.
-Or in the classrooms.
-Or in the Prefect's bathroom.
-Or in Dumbledore's office.
-I am not allowed to play Hide-and-Seek at all.
I am not allowed to skinny dip in the lake.
-The giant squid did not blackmail me into doing this.
-I am not in love with the giant squid.
Dying Snape's hair pink in his sleep is considered harrasment.
Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport.
Even if Fred and George Weasley did it, I am not allowed to run a business out of the dorms.
-Especially an escort service.
-Even if the teachers get a cut.
Dobby is NOT an albino orc.
-Or Gollum, for that matter.
42 is NOT the answer to every question on the OWLs.
I will stop asking the house elves to teach me Elvish.
I will stop trying to make up spells in Elvish.
- Or the Black Tongue
- Or Dwarvish
- Or any other language that has absolutely nothing to do with magic.
I must stop playing with Fluffy.
- Especially if it's fetch.
- And he's fetching first years.
- Or Snape. Or McGonagall. Or anyone, really.
As much as I wish it, there are absolutely no connections between the wizarding world and LOTR *cries*
- Which means that Aragorn shall not be the next DADA teacher… dang it.
I may not:
Call Professor McGonagall "Mother Superior".
Tell first years that Snape is the voice of God.
- Threaten to hit Snape with a fish.
Shout "beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.
Tell first years that French swear-words are really spells.
Call Dumbledor "Grandpa" again.
Steal Professor Flitwick and try to get him to tell me where his pot 'o gold is.
Dancing around the common room and sing the "Bibbitty Bobbity Boo" song from Cinderella is no longer a good idea no matter how much it annoys Hermione.
I will refrain from calling the Weasley twins "Merry and Pippin".
-I will also refrain from calling Harry and Ron "Frodo and Sam".
-It probably isn't smart to call Draco "Legolas" either.
I will not tell Crabbe and Goyle that if you say 'banana' fast enough, it sounds like 'gullible'.
-No matter how many times they believe it.
This is from Vegetales (a Christian kid’s show)
I will not charm a potato to waltz up and down a aisle with me
-Especially not if it is a produce aisle.
-I will not charm a tomato to talk.
I will not make a book of fanfiction, put a cover called "Stories of Famous Witches and Wizards Trials" on it, and tell Hermione that it is a new textbook.
Pointing out heRmiONe is not funny anymore.
-It was never funny.
I will not start food fight in the Great Hall.
-Paying someone to play "An der schönen blauen Donau" while said food fight is in progress may make it more dramatic, but it is highly frowned upon and they will rat me out.
There are no free unicorn rides being given away in the Forbidden Forest and I should stop telling this to the first years.
I am not to teach the first years how to fly on a broom.
-Should I ignore the above step, I am not to teach them by handing them a broom and throwing them off the Astronomy Tower.
The reason that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is called this is not because his name is a killing word.
Avada Kedavra is a killing word, but you will not test this.
The walking suits of armor do not have blood seals.
-Nor are any of them named Alphonse Elric.
-Because he would have used the Philosopher's Stone by now.
I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
I will not ask the Arithmancy students to calculate i.
- I will not send the results to MIT's math department.
- The same with pi and e.
i hope you liked these POST your own if ya wanna
LUV AL
